Those checkers are out to get me!
Saturday, I ran in Save A Lot for just a few items. Bananas, bacon, long flat sliced dill pickles for sandwiches, bologna, dill pickle spears, chips, and a half-loaf of Nutty Oat bread. Mmm...that bread was SOOO fresh! For a mass-produced half-loaf, of course.
That may not sound like just a few items, but it all fit in the child seat of my cart. I was behind two people with much fuller carts, and another hoarder/end-of-the-world prepper pulled up behind me with an overflowing cart. The checker called for backup. When Checker2 opened another lane and said she could help someone, the Prepper gave me the nod. I shook my head. Prepper was closer, and I was not in a hurry. So Prepper went to the new line.
I was prepared to stay in mine. I was now second. The Old Dude in front of me had all of his items out on the conveyor already. He had stood on the far side of the cart, tossing them. Maybe it's just me...but I would have stood between cart and conveyor, and laid them down with a gentleness. Perhaps Old Dude had a military background, and was used to lobbing grenades. Anyhoo...I was sure it would only take a minute for him to pay.
Until he mumbled to himself and to Checker1 that he was one 5-For-$20 item short, and would be going back to get one.
Yeah. No. I turned and went to Checker2, where Prepper was having an issue with her chip card. I wonder if she forgot her glasses. She got it straightened out, and as Even Steven would have it, I was paying at the same time as Old Dude in the first line. I made sure to pay attention, and got my card read on the first try. I wheeled my items over to the counter to bag them. I didn't want to deal with a box today. It's easier to loop bags over my arms, when I know that Farmer H is not going to be home to carry a box for me.
I put the two bags of chips in one bag. The two jars of pickles in a double-bag. Bologna and bacon in one, because they could be cold together. And the bananas--
THE BANANAS WERE ON THE BREAD!!!
Are you effing kidding me? Sweet Gummi Mary! A heavy bunch of five bananas, perched upon my soft, soft Nutty Oat half-loaf. Not so much perched, as sagging about the middle of that half-loaf. Right up there in the child seat, my bread acting as a cushion for the bananas.
WHO DOES THAT???
I held up my Nutty Oat half-loaf. Nope. No saving that fallen soldier. It had the shape of a cast made from a mold of a large keyhole. A little curvy part on top, then a narrow wasp-waist indentation, then a flaring at the bottom like jeans from the 1970s.
NO! I wasn't having it! No siree, Bob! I went to Checker1, since Checker2 had disappeared.
"Excuse me...can I trade this for another loaf? She put my bananas on top of it!"
Checker1 took my loaf and groped it. "Yeah. Well..." She squeezed my Nutty Oat like Mr. Whipple with the Charmin. "Here. You can put it back. Maybe someone else will want it."
"Maybe. It has a good date."
I didn't care what happened to that loaf, as long as I got another one. If someone didn't have a too-particular husband, and wanted to make toast, not sandwiches, and if every other loaf of bread was gone from the shelves...sure, they might want this keyhole loaf. I put it back, and got another one.
I'm not very tolerant in my old age.
3 comments:
Were you tolerant when you were younger?
Checker rule number one: NEVER put anything on top of the bread! Rule two is NEVER put 1kg cans of dog food on top of anything else.
Print this out and show it to all checkers before they start scanning your goods.
fishducky,
Inside, I was not. But outwardly, I made nice, and didn't rock the boat. My younger self would have brought that bread home, and then bought another loaf elsewhere. Maybe fed the squashed bread to the dogs.
***
River,
I need a little business card to hand them, telling them how I expect them to do my business!
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