You Can Lead A Fish To Water

What if...somebody happened to mention that his goldfish did a flip this morning in his bowl? The teacher should be duly impressed, right, and say, perhaps, "What a talented goldfish you have! Did you train him to do flips?" Or the teacher could say, "Funny, fish seem to flip over like that right before they die. How has your goldfish been feeling lately?" Not recommended. But realistic.

Because teachers have way too much idle time and nothing better to do on their 22 minute lunch period, even after heating up lunch and taking 5 minutes to use the restroom, we discussed the goldfish issue.

The student said the food ran out. So he was waiting until he got more food to feed the goldfish. Keepin' It Real asked if he could feed it something else. "Well, somebody said to feed it crackers. But I don't think that's good for the fish."

"Oh. But letting it starve is good for it? Seriously. That fish is dying. What worse could happen to it from eating crackers?"

The student agreed that it might not hurt to drop some cracker crumbs into the fishbowl. Back at the teacher lunch table, we took the bait and ran with it.

"Hope he doesn't feed it a goldfish cracker. That would be all kinds of wrong."

"You mean like cannibalism?"

"Yeah."

"We throw out leftover food to our chickens. But we won't give them chicken. On the other hand, I would give them Chicken-In-A-Biscuit crackers."

"How about some toast."

"Give a goldfish toast? Won't he choke? Won't it not be toast any more once it hits the water?"

"No. You toast the bread, then scrape off crumbs into the fishbowl."

"That's not enough to keep a bird alive."

"How about you just give it a big ol' fish sandwich. That should tide it over until you get some fish food."

"That's just wrong."