Sunday, July 8, 2012

Hillbilly Mom, P.I.

I think I witnessed a crime today. Allegedly.

There I was, in line at the soda fountain, refill cup in hand, waiting on a dude who looked like a construction worker of small stature. He had the jeans, a red t-shirt, and the requisite trucker cap. A kind of uniform, actually, for the dudes of Hillmomba. As I waited my turn, he set aside a full 24 oz. cup and added ice to a 44 oz. cup. He proceeded to fill it with soda, then started chugging. Not a gentle sip, pinky finger extended. He poured back that soda like a beer bong was attached to the other end. Then he stopped for a breath. Poured out the soda and ice. Disposed of the 44 oz. cup. And lidded his 24-ouncer. He jabbed in a straw and headed to the cooler, where he grabbed an energy drink in a can.

I went about my business of refilling my cup with Diet Coke. As luck would have it, I was behind Slurper in line. He was jawing with the boy clerk about something. "I mean, man, that's thirty cents. You have to make use of every penny these days." I'm not sure what the conversation pertained to. Perhaps he had been charged full price, and declared it a refill. I don't know. I didn't see him enter the establishment.

When he saw me behind him, Slurper told the boy clerk, "Oh, and your Dr. Pepper doesn't seem right. It looked watery coming out. I threw it away because it didn't taste right."

Am I overly suspicious? Or does this seem like a scam? Who brings in a tiny refill cup, then plans to buy a 44 oz.? And who brings in a 44 oz. refill cup and trashes it? Nobody that I know of. And if the Dr. Pepper was so bad, how could he imbibe so much of it before deciding to pour it out?

I'm thinking Slurper left the convenience store and headed to Save A Lot to eat some grapes while pushing his cart through the store and deciding that he didn't need any groceries today.


Chickadee said...

Yeah the Dr. Pepper "didn't taste right". I'll bet he said that BS for your benefit. Stealin' is stealin'. Wonder if he tries to pull that crap at the bar, but I guess there at least you have to pay for your drink before they put it in your hand.

Sioux said...

You should have performed a citizen's arrest. I do it all the time.

If I see people pawing through the latest gossip magazine, and then they put it back on the shelf, I leap up like Mickey Rourke in "The Wrestler" and tackle them.

If I spot someone taking the lid off a bottle of hand lotion and taking a long sniff, I knock them down and cuff them. There's only so much scent crammed into each bottle. Wasting those odors--and then not making a purchase--is criminal.

Take the law into your own hands. You can be the eyes and the ears of the local police. (And they will be SO appreciative of your help, I assure you.)

Hillbilly Mom said...

He probably picks up somebody else's drink, and just as he swallows the last of it, notices that it isn't his.

If I play my cards right, maybe I can work up to a siren and flashing light for T-Hoe!

Kathy's Klothesline said...

Like the two girls who wanted to swim Saturday while the sky was overcast and the wind was blowing with the promiose of rain? I pointed this out to them before they paid, but they wanted to take their chances. It never really rained and it didn't sprinkle until after the closing time on the pool. And, yet here they are, today asking if they get to swim free because it rained. It did rain 4 miles from us, but never rained here. I let them in, since the grandmother had driven them out. I took pity on her, being saddled with adolescent grandchildren.
And now they are spending the money they would have spent to get in if the scam didn't work. I am clever, I suppose. I will get that money one way or another!
The guy you encountered does not seem to realize that he is one of the reasons the price of goods is on the rise. They have to charge enough to cover the petty theft. I remember when shop keepers could actually stop people trying to steal and demand the goods back. Not any more. You have to prove it and might end up being sued. So they just accept that there will be pilferring and adjust the prices accordingly.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Something tells me that you would say something to the Slurper, just to let him know he isn't as sly as he thinks he is.