Wednesday, July 4, 2012

What If The Nation Threw A Birthday Party, And Nobody Came?

Is the information superhighway like a regular highway? Does too much traffic clog it up? Make getting from one place to another slow? Anybody? Should I put in an email to Al Gore?

I'm having a devil of a time navigating the innernets today. I am picturing a huge traffic jam. Like when city residents tried to escape in their vehicles in The Stand, or in Deep Impact. Like everybody trying to go to the beach on a holiday weekend. Only I see people in their dark, cool, basement lairs with a day off from work, frittering away time in front of the monitor. Kids battling anonymous opponents in multi-player computer games. Women shopping online.

Maybe it's too hot for folks to be celebrating the birth of our nation. Half the country is sweltering. The ground is tinderbox dry. Even in places where it's legal to set off fireworks, that's a really bad idea. The sun is beating down without mercy, roasting swimmers in their pools, lakes, and lazy rivers. Perhaps people can't afford to throw a big barbecue. Can't afford gas to travel. Can't risk dehydrating themselves with demon rum, or even Milwaukee's Best. Can't afford a trip to the emergency room if they incur a heat stroke while cranking the old-timey ice cream maker. The holiday falls in the middle of the week. No three-day weekend. So in my mind, I see folks lazing away a hot summer day. Staying out of the sun. Clogging up my internet.

Surely that's the cause of my connectivity problem. It couldn't be my own personal internet service. No way.


Chickadee said...

It's so hot the internet wires have melted and is slowing down the connection speed.

But now that it's dark, everyone will be outside setting the ground, I mean, fireworks ablaze. Hope nothing around you catches on fire.

Hillbilly Mom said...

That must be it. That, or the solar flare.

I was quite worried that some local yahoos might set my world ablaze. I am glad they did not. Usually, all the families out here spark up the night. MY fire tag is paid. Maybe theirs wasn't. Our town still set them off. They do it from a big chat pile. We didn't go. I did not hear reports of them setting off 20 minutes' worth in 15 seconds.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

Mine is being cranky, too. So very slow. We have cancelled out to-do for the weekend. We already purchased the fireworks and they will keep til next year. I did say everything was slow on-line, didn't I ........ everything but the annoying pop-ups.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Good call on the cancellation. No need to spark an inferno.