Thursday, September 12, 2013

Do You Think It's Teacheraire's Disease?

Did you know that i have been beset by a mysterious affliction?

It's true. I suppose the onset has been so insidious that my illness crept up on me without notice. I believe I must be a rare case. Perhaps one of you might volunteer to search the Annals of External Medicine to find documentation of a similar malady.

Surprisingly, I suffer from no symptoms! But apparently, I have lost my ability to detect changes in the ambient temperature. And I can no longer sense sound waves with my eardrums.

I was diagnosed by roving bands of adolescents.

"It's hot in here!"

"It's cold in here!"

"Your projector is making a noise!"

See? It's a good thing they're so helpful, those adolescents. Or I might not know what goes on in my classroom.

Now that I am aware of the temperature issue, I can leave my class unattended while I climb up on the roof to work on my heating/AC unit. That's the only way to remedy the situation, you know. Because even the students are aware that all classroom thermostats are locked, and cannot be adjusted by mere teachers. I need to start working out. Climbing up on the roof every hour will be quite draining, I fear.

As for the projector noise, I shall require a ladder to reach that ceiling-mounted hooligan. He must be taught a lesson. That growling is not permitted, no matter how turned on he may be. I shall dismember him, and dispose of his croaker, that inconsiderate electronic picture-shiner! That's what they want, I suppose. Why else would they clamor about a noise every day?

Perhaps I should step across the hall to the behind-the-scenes cafeteria entrance, to inquire as to whether too many cooks really spoil the broth, and to ask:

"Do too many unlicensed adolescent physicians spoil the fake diagnosis?"

6 comments:

Sioux said...

In the days of wood stoves and slates, nobody complained like that.

I say, "Return to the good ol' days."

knancy said...

Well I searched the Annals of External Medicine and it called WAD as in Whiney Adolescent Disease; also called Whiney A$$ Disease. Purported to get some people's panties in a wad.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

How long before you retire and leave this all behind?

Hillbilly Mom said...

Sioux,
Madam tell me 'bout the good ol' days... You know that song, don't you? Or have I mistaken you for a Judd?

****
knancy,
Thank you for your contribution. I knew somebody would step up and get knee deep in the symptom pool. It must be your medical background.

****
Kathy,
This year, plus two more. Or as we say around here: THE DAY THE PONY GRADUATES!

Melissa said...

Are you sure you are feeding your hamster daily that runs the projector? They tend to get irritable if not feed daily. Me, I've been having issues with both the projector and my air. Every time I have to climb up on the table to fix the projector, I have a student stand by the office call button in case I fall. (Would that come under workman's comp?)
Then for the past 2 weeks my air has not been working. I think we are all getting pretty irritable by the end of the day due to the heat. Maybe the hamster and I need to take a day off.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Melissa,
The hamster is fed three-day-old left-over Domino's, orange Starbursts, and Ranch Doritos.

Funny about the heat. In the winter, several of our teachers can't use their projectors, because the heat comes out a ceiling vent, and the upper atmosphere is too toasty for projecting.