Baby Steps, People. Mrs. Hillbilly Mom Teaches The Basics.

Sometimes Mrs. Hillbilly Mom's workday is simply tolerable. On rare occasions it's a chore. But more often, it's actually kind of fun.

This week, for instance, I was treated to an announcement that a certain class received a sad frowny face from the librarian, because they had 47 books that should have been returned in a timely manner. That's a lot of books. So as I read the announcements, I said, "Has nobody ever told you all that library books are not GIFTS? That you are only borrowing them, and have to give them back?"

A collective "WHAT?" set me straight.

"How are WE supposed to know that she wants the books back? I've only had it for four weeks."

"Uh. I think you can only have it for two weeks. But you can have two books. For two weeks."

"Well, that's news to me!"

"You might start by looking at that date they stamp in the front."

"The date in mine is March of 2013. So I didn't think I had to give it back."

So many kids, so much disinformation!

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This morning first hour I heard a beeping sound. "Whoever that phone belongs to needs to turn it off now. I'm not taking it, because it's first hour, and maybe your forgot. So turn it off." I had a good idea of the perpetrator. Especially since she looked away when the others turned to look AT me. But then another one piped up, way across the room.

"That was a phone? I thought it was you."

"ME? I have been falsely accused! My phone is right here. The noise was over there."

"No, no, I'm not accusing you! I thought it was one of those things like the PowerWriter thing when you turn it on."

"Have you EVER seen me use the PowerWriter? No. That is way too advanced for me. I put it in the closet. The projector is the extent of my technology usage. It was NOT a noise from me."

"I admit, it was MINE. I'm turning it off now." Yeah. From my original suspect.

Five minutes later, another phone went off. "Okay. I'm not stupid. Get that one off, too! You're lucky you didn't have it out using it, or I WOULD TAKE IT! I'm supposed to take it anyway. Just turn it off."

"Oh. I had an alarm set."

"YOU? The false accuser! You accuse ME, and now YOUR phone goes off? What kind of alarm is that? The alarm reminding you to get your phone out in class?"

"NO! I had it set to wake me up..."

"IN THE MIDDLE OF MY CLASS?"

"No. To wake me up for the morning."

"Um. It's a little late for that. Because we're already at school."

"No. I got up, but it keeps going off. I think it means my battery is dying."

"Yeah, right. Take the battery out."

Seriously. I need to start harvesting those things per the student handbook. But it's not like they are actively using them. And it IS first hour. Good thing they're a congenial group who never gives me any lip.

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Tomorrow I'll tell you about the alien.