Uh huh. We’re not
talking about student pictures here. We are talking about Mrs. Hillbilly Mom’s
packet of school pictures. Not that she bought them or anything. Not that she
even gets them taken on a yearly basis. Before this year, I believe there had
been a gap of six or seven years. Nobody wants to leave a class unattended to
go wait in the gym to have a picture taken while perched on the three-inch
ledge with a little backrest on a box that stands about 18 inches off the
floor. And by nobody, I mean Mrs.
Hillbilly Mom.
Yes, that bullet was
dodged many a time. But this year, Mrs. Hillbilly Mom’s number came up. Every
member of the faculty was commanded to have a picture snapped. I went before
school. The photographer worked with Sir Talks a Lot for quite some time.
Standing. Sitting. Turn your head. Tilt your chin. Take off your glasses. But
when he came to Mrs. Hillbilly Mom, he said, “Stand right there with your feet
on the prints.” SNAP. One shot.
Maybe that photographer
was trying to tell me something. Like, maybe, that there was nothing a camera
could do for me. I must say the photos are not exactly flattering. The best
description I can think of is: embarrassed dead Shar-Pei that has been left out
in the sun for two days.
The Pony describes my
picture as: “Um. NOT a Mexican Asian crossbreed? I really am struck speechless.
I don’t know what else to say.”
Yeah. I’m starting to
think that I’m not exactly photogenic. That I actually LOOK LIKE MY PICTURE.
I won’t be framing my
school picture. And I might even try to bargain with the yearbook sponsor to
see if an artist’s rendering done by a kindergartener could be substituted.
HOWEVER, I must admit that this school picture makes me look like Princess Grace of Monaco (BEFORE her death) when compared to my driver's license photo.
3 comments:
Yes, on years when I cannot hide from the school photographer, they take one, show it to me, and ask if I want them to take another.
What's the use? Each one will be wretched as the one before.
Perhaps we need to start a club... The Horribly Unphotogenic Snarky Scintillating Imaginative Educators.
I am not happy to have my picture taken either. If I ask He Who to take one of me, it always makes me look wretched. Selfies have not been good either. It just never looks like the person I see in the mirror. Perhaps the mirror is kinder than the lens?
Sioux,
I see what you did there! We're the HUSSIEs!
****
Kathy,
What's even better is to watch a video, allegedly of you, that doesn't look OR sound like you!
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