Sunday, June 14, 2015

That Canary Doth Singeth Too Much, Methinks

I knew the respite would not last! Farmer H is back to his annoying form. Returned to his true colors last night, when he returned from taking The Pony to Missouri Boys State.

I had cooked up some green beans and bacon and potatoes. What else was I supposed to do with that case of canned green beans that my sister the ex-mayor's wife gave me when we cleaned out Mom's house? That's a lot of green beans. Even if you like green beans. I threw two cans in a pot with half a pound of bacon and five potatoes and one Vidalia onion. Mmm...we actually like green beans. I slow cooked them for a couple of hours, until the green beans got all juice and mushy. That's how Mom did it, and that's how we like them. Not right out of the can with their shape still intact. I must admit that I had the wrong potatoes, but I needed to use up those bakers while The Pony is away, so I don't accidentally start brewing my own vodka. In retrospect, I would put the potatoes in later, because they got really soft and crumbly, even though they thickened the green beans. Then I thought the green beans looked too mushy, so I put in another can for a contrasting texture, and cooked them a while before putting the whole batch in containers in Frig II.

Let the record show that I had cut up the bacon in two-inch segments and browned it with the onions before adding the green beans and potatoes. I filled two quart sweet-and-sour soup takeout containers with the final product, and another container half that size.

Farmer H came home and ate half of the half-sized container. That's not a lot of green beans. For lunch today, I had the other half of that container. I know this will be hard for you to fathom, but in my green beans I could not find a single piece of bacon! I know, right? What a coincidence that when I filled that container, no bacon found its way in there. Or that if it did, Farmer H just happened to get every scrap of bacon in his portion. Truth is stranger than fiction, I guess.

"Hey, did you know that I did not find a single piece of bacon in my green beans this afternoon?"

"Nooo. Huh."

"I think that's kind of funny. Did you have some in your green beans last night?"

"HM! I had THREE spoonfuls of green beans! That's all. I don't know what you're saying."

"I'm not saying anything. I just asked."

"Okay! I dug through them until I got every piece of bacon out! That's what you're saying, isn't it? That I took all the bacon?"

"That's not what I said at all. I guess you did, if that's the conclusion you jump to when I ask a simple question."

Seriously. I was not born yesterday. That's the man who dishes up a towering bowl of soup with no juice, including a whole arm roast.

That canary doth singeth too much, methinks.


Sioux said...

How odd that he knew EXACTly how many spoonfuls of bacon he got from that serving of green beans...

I smell something rotten in Denmmark. Or, something salty on HM's husband's breath.

Hillbilly Mom said...

If you had seen the drop in the level of that container, you would have known that Farmer H must have been referring to a spoon the size of which might hang on a kitchen wall as a wooden decorative utensil.