Sunday, December 6, 2015

The Devil Will Not Be Finding Work For Farmer H's Hands

This morning I was watching a marathon of Flip or Flop while making up my shopping list for The Devil's Playground. Of course that's a mistake when Farmer H is in the vicinity. Not the list. All he asked for was a pack of Hanes tagless briefs, XL. I don't know who he's trying to impress! No, you don't want to be watching Flip of Flop when Farmer H wanders by, because he will stop like a fly trapped in honey. As much a pest, but not as sweet.

Farmer H fancies himself a Flipper. Not a Flopper. He has helped his friend Buddy remodel a house. He fixed up my first place. He made our rental duplex livable again. The skills are there. Maybe that's a better use of his time than constructing a new themed shanty every month. "That's something for me to do when I retire. I'm still healthy enough to do that. It couldn't cost us more than about $30,000 for a house. We can make the payments on that, easy, until we sell it." Said the man who brings in 2/3 of our income, who will be leaving the workforce in one year, and then making half of my retirement check.

"I don't know about that. We'll have two boys in college. And I need a new car."

"Or we could do like your grandma did. To get your quarters in. So you can get Medicare, and not have to pay for insurance through the school."

"I think I can get it because I'm married to you. My best ol' ex teaching buddy Mabel, I think, gets it because of her husband. I might have 25 quarters now, from my jobs other than teaching for 28 years."

"We can get you a paper route like your grandma did."

"And I can pull in the check and get the quarters, and you can do the work."

"Yeah. I'll do the work. It will give me something to do."

Ah...Farmer H and his crazy pipe dreams. So far he has planned to get his barber's license, drive a delivery truck for an automotive parts store, deliver medicine for a pharmacy, drive a local cab, work part-time at Lowe's, and buy storage units and sell junk at the auction.

Any and all of them sound good to me.


Sioux said...

Yeah, if he did ALL of them, he'd never be home once he retires.

And THAT would be a shame...

Hillbilly Mom said...

I have taken up cheerleading as a hobby now that I near retirement.

"Two bits, four bits, six bits, a dollar...
All for Farmer H working 20 jobs after retirement stand up and holler!"