Sunday, March 11, 2018

Farmer H Is Pictured In The Dictionary, Next To The Definition Of CAN'Tankerous

Farmer H has asked me to look up some prices for the mountain of Tupperware he found in one of his 18 storage units.

You know how it goes. Rather than giving that Farmer a fish, I preferred to teach him HOW to fish. Less work for me, you know. Besides, he has looked at the Tupperware himself, and knows what pieces he's trying to price. I only have one photo of a few Tupperwares, and his verbal description. Don't get me started on that one. It's like the blind men describing an elephant.

I offered to hook up a mouse for my laptop Shiba, so Farmer H could peruse the innernets at will. He has complained before that he can't use a laptop. One issue being the keypad. Well! You'd think I had suggested that he join a prison work crew breaking up boulders with a ball peen hammer 24/7/365/eternity.

"NO! I can't use a laptop!"

"But I'll hook up a mouse. It will work just like a desktop."

"I've tried! I can't SEE anything on it!"

"What do you mean?"

"Every time you want me to look at something, I can't see it. I can't go anywhere on it! I've tried!"

Now THAT'S a laugh. Why would I want Farmer H to look at anything on my laptop? I only get something ready for him when he insists. It's more work for me. So I'm doing him a favor, and then he tells me after all these times that he couldn't see it anyway? Couldn't switch to the next already-loaded screen, even though I'd showed him how when I sat him down?

So now, according to Farmer H, hands thrown in the air all dramatic-like, I'm harassing him because I was going to turn on the laptop, bring up three websites, and hand him a mouse so he could look at Tupperware. What every loving wife would do for her husband, right?

But Farmer H has a hissy-fit like I'm torturing him.

"I CAN'T DO THAT! I can't sit with it on my lap!"

"I'll put it on the coffee table. You can sit on the couch, and roll the mouse on the coffee table."

"I CAN'T DO THAT! I can't see anything on that screen!"

"It's the same size as a regular monitor, give or take a couple diagonal inches!" Sweet Gummi Mary! It's not like I'm asking him to view Tupperware prices on some kind of funky Google watchband contraption.

"Or you can sit on the end of the coffee table, and look at Shiba like I do, on the TV stand tray in front of window."

"I CAN'T DO THAT! I can't see it."

Maybe Farmer H doesn't know that you can tilt the laptop screen slightly. I'm not picking up what he's laying down. It's like Shiba is his kryptonite. Yet he thinks I can look up all his Tupperware for him, from his description, and let him know the price so he can set his accordingly.

This is why Farmer H is NOT getting a PayPal seller account. Or an eBay store. This Storage Unit Store is going to be NONE OF MY BUSINESS.


River said...

I'm guessing he just doesn't realise the screen can be tilted, like you think, or maybe it's because he has to look downward a bit instead of straight ahead like you would on a desk monitor.
Or he's just being a crankpants and wanting you to do all the work, which you could do if he paid you in Tupperware, which you could then sell on ebay...

Hillbilly Mom said...

I think he was just in a CAN'T mood.

Sioux Roslawski said...

Oh, if you were a supportive wife, you'd go with him every day he goes to his selling spot, and help him sell his wares...

Hillbilly Mom said...

If I was a supportive wife, I'd throw a Tupperware party and earn him the big bucks, and not even take 20% for my services.