Saturday, May 2, 2020

Rollin' Along, Ding Dang Dong! Side-By-Side.

Hillmombans continue to exhibit mixed feelings on the Stay-At-Home-Down. Or perhaps, more realistically, they are exhibiting NO COMMON SENSE AT ALL!

Some people huddle in their homes, quaking with fear, encased in Saran Wrap (not in a Kathy Bates Fried Green Tomatoes kind of way), screaming in all CAPS on the Facebook of the local newspaper, at any suggestion that steps may be taken to reopen nonessential businesses now that none of the 29 cases of the VIRUS have any further quarantine restrictions.

Others blatantly ignore suggested guidelines, and roam the county-side with abandon. They consist of two classes, feeling either feast or famine. One group tailgates T-Hoe as if eager to take a bite of my ample rumpus. The other creeps along at 10 mph under the speed limit, starving for adventure, yet taking sloth-baby steps.

When we look back at this period in history, and write our future classics, the first line may be: "It was the end of times, it was the perk of times..."

Friday, I made an extra trip to town. Because I could. Scoff-scoff-scoffing those laws strong suggestions, a rebel at heart, bent on procuring a 44 oz Diet Coke and some scratchers. As I waited to pull onto the lettered county highway, I was stunned by the sight of a side-by-side. That's a fancy term for a vehicle like a Gator. There has been controversy around here about them driving on the roads. I, myself, was outraged to see one at the Casey's a while back, with an untethered infant in the passenger's arms.

SIDE BY SIDES HAVE NO DOORS!

They barely have sides! The roof is flimsy. Compared to a car, it's like driving a Barbie Jeep on the road! No helmets required. No license plate. No airbags or reinforced doors. Because they DON'T HAVE DOORS! Why all the testing with crash dummies before an automobile can be sold, when ANY dummy can drive a side-by-side on the road? This was a two-lane blacktop highway, 55 mph speed limit. I daresay that side-by-side was going at least 55 mph.

Once I was on the road, ANOTHER side-by-side came towards me. At least it was in its lane, not taking its half out of the middle. Unlike half of the cars that approach me lately.

4 comments:

River said...

I need a picture of a side-by-side so I know what you are talking about. Is it a life-size version of a Barbie dune buggy?
I need to make a trip to town myself soon, although it may be a futile one. I need to find an open Health Foods shop to get my Apricot Kernel Oil that I stir into my yoghurt along with several other things. I haven't been on a bus in six weeks!

Hillbilly Mom said...

River,
Something like this:

http://www.popscreen.com/p/MTgwODQwNDIz/2007-Yamaha-Rhino-660-Special-Edition-4-Seater-UTV-Side-by-Side-Off-Road-4x4

Not something I'd be driving in traffic, though suitable for off-road, slower rides. More of a dune buggy than a car.

Be careful on the bus! I would rather drive a side-by-side to town than ride a bus! I'm sure you'll be fine as long as you wash your hands, and don't get close enough for people to breathe on you for 15 minutes. Even if they do, the odds of them actually having the VIRUS are still in your favor!

Sioux Roslawski said...

Okay. I looked at the picture, and I'm still thinking--Are you talking about a golf cart?

If so, they are getting more and more popular in pockets of the city. Soulard. Dogtown. And yes, people put their kids in there and transport them, with no common sense at all.

I think they have the mentality of "we're not moving too fast, and we're not a heavy vehicle. We can't get into serious trouble" despite the fact that cars and trucks (that surround the golf carts) can go at high speeds and they weigh a lot more.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Sioux,
More like a dune buggy, not a golf cart. Lighter and not clunky. Goes faster. But the same, in that nothing protects the passengers from getting squished like a bug if an automobile hits them. All the hoopla over motorcyclists and bicyclists wearing helmets, but no regulation on the side-by-side noggins.