Oh, not the noises at night. Those stopped. And not the presence of Farmer H. I've pretty much adapted to having that evil entity around. No, the horror of which I type involves FEET! I abhor feet. Even my own. The only feet worth a darn are sweet baby feet. They're the best part of the baby. But we're not talking about sweet baby feet today. We're talking about Mrs. Hillbilly Mom feet. Or FOOT, to be exact.
Okay, the Truth in Blogging Law says that I must reveal that we aren't really taking about Mrs. HM's foot, but rather about her great toe. Oh, I'm not putting on airs about my toe. That's technically what it's called. The great toe. The big one. The little piggy that went to market. It's in Gray's Anatomy. Not the TV show. The medical reference book. I'm pretty sure blog buddy Sioux's son can vouch for it.
I've been having a problem with my right great toe. Oh, it doesn't hurt. It's not swollen. It didn't snap off. It's just RED. Pardon me for not showing you a picture, but a lady has to draw the line somewhere. As much as I would like a diagnosis from armchair or standing-desk internet readers, I am not about to put up a picture of my toe. Even though it's a great toe.
My right great toe looks like it's wearing a little red toe sweater. The toe is RED! Have I mentioned that? Only the great toe. Not the stay-at-home little piggy next to it. And the hem of the red sweater only goes to the base of the toe. Not onto the foot. It stops right where toe turns into foot. It's the weirdest thing! That toe is red, but the nail bed is the regular color. Like a face peeping out of a red hoodie.
Do I have a terminal disease? Is my toe going to fall off? Will it turn black? Will it swell up like those big plastic thumbs in the Dynamite Shack game that my sister the little future ex-mayor's wife and I used to play in childhood?
Diagnose away, internet doctors!
It all started several weeks ago. Or maybe a month. I was doing my daily driveway walk, and then had a trip to the casino two weeks in a row, and I must have irritated my great toe. The inner edge of the nail pulled away a bit, and it was sore. I put triple antibiotic ointment on it every morning and every evening. I covered it with a band-aid so the skin edge wouldn't pull away farther. It was painful for a couple of days. Then not.
Next thing I knew, the skin in that area was red. Then the red started to spread. Down to the bottom of the nail. A little past. Down some more. That sure didn't seem right! The toe didn't hurt any more. It wasn't swollen. But the red continued to spread. I figured that maybe the triple antibiotic ointment had upset the natural flora and fauna of my feet. Foot. Toe. So I wondered if maybe I was getting some kind of fungal infection. Since the antibiotic ointment didn't seem to help, it must not have been bacteria.
I sprayed some dry powdery athlete's foot stuff on it once a day. Put a band-aid on it for walking, so as not to pull the edge of the nail away. This did nothing. Except cover the redness with white powder, so it didn't look red. Except when I got out of the shower each morning, and saw that I had Rudolph's nose glowing on the side of my foot.
What is going on here? There was a little clear blister on the outer side of the great toe for a day or two. Didn't hurt. Didn't leak. Dried up. Gone. The skin on the great toe is now looking dry. Like a snake before it sheds its skin. I have been taking off my Croc and sock, and letting the big red toe bask in the warmth of the space heater under my desk in my dark basement lair. Again, it doesn't hurt. But it is shockingly red.
Farmer H took a gander at it, per my request, and said, "Maybe you need to go get that looked at." Yet the next day, when I showed it off again to him, he said, "It doesn't look that bad."
It doesn't feel that bad, either. Just worries me because of how it looks. Red. Not swollen. Not hot. Not painful. Not oozy. Just red, top to bottom, one toe only.
What have I got, internet docs?
6 comments:
HM--You might not find this funny. Medical students label it "Google Doc," because they use the internet to help diagnose.
So it seems we--your followers--are just as good as medical students.
Kind of scary, right?
Is your toe nail loose? Do you have feeling in the toe? Does it look like the nail might be coming off? I don't know, I would have to look at it before I could venture a guess. But, if Farmer H thinks it is okay ..... maybe you should have it checked out.
I realize I may not be normal (whatever that is) but I had a dream where my toes were falling off. No pain or bleeding, but off they came. Can anyone explain that to me? Did I invent a new disease--toeliosis?
Sioux,
It is INDEED scary. To think of Dr. Sioux prescribing something for me...
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Kathy,
No, not loose. I have feeling. The nail looks fine. Doesn't hurt, even if I put pressure on it. Heh, heh. Farmer H has insisted twice more that it looks okay to him!
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fishducky,
Yikes! I'll have to look that up in my dream book sometime and get back to you on it! Maybe Dr. Sioux can speak on the toeliosis.
Oh, you know exactly what I would prescribe for you: 24/7 time with Farmer H.
And soon, my prescription will be filled and taken, one hour at a time.
Sioux,
I hope he doesn't give me an "accidental" overdose! Farmer H IS the one who takes his cough medicine with a serving spoon, and thinks "every 4-6 hours as needed" means he MUST take it every 4 hours, even if he's not coughing, even if he needs to set an alarm to wake him up to take it in the middle of the night.
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