Where Does A 50-Pound Monkey Sleep?

Not in Hillmomba!

Let's back up a bit. Park A-Cad in the Wayback Garage. Start at the beginning of the story, rather than the end. Hope you didn't get whiplash from my sudden change of direction.

Last week, we went to the casino with my sister the ex-mayor's wife, and the ex-mayor. They invited us. We drove. They paid for gas. We were entertained.

Let the record show that a few weeks ago, we all played Trivia together, on a team headed by one of Farmer H's old friends. She's an ex-teacher, who was at one time employed by the local newspaper. Ex-Mayor had been concerned that she would recognize him from his Mayor days, when he had written her a scathing letter concerning her title choices. He felt that Hillmomba was unfairly singled out in articles that showed his mayored-city in a less than positive light, while stories about such issues in surrounding communities were only cited as Local Man, etc.

Anyhoo... as soon as we pulled out on the road after picking up our passengers, Ex-Mayor pulled out a folder.

"You know I told you about my letter to the paper? I found a copy. Here it is..."

He proceeded to read it. I must say, I snorted, Farmer H grunted, Sis sighed, and even Ex-Mayor chuckled here and there.

"Maybe that was a little harsh, but I was just fed up. She'd put a story in there with a title like: Only 40-Pound Monkeys Allowed in Hillmomba. Now of all the things, she had to lead with a title like that, AND identify it as our town. I was working in the city then, and you can't believe all the grief that caused me. The guys who worked for me wouldn't let it go."

"Hey, did you get your 40-pound monkey yet?"

"No. My monkey was 50 pounds, and I got kicked out of town!"

"Does everybody down there have monkeys? They must, if you have this law about them!"

"How many monkeys do YOU have?"

"I hope they don't weigh too much!"

"Can I leave work early? I have to go pick up my monkey!"

"I was a laughingstock. I just got tired of it, and I wrote her that letter. I don't think she ever responded. When I saw her at Trivia, I felt bad. She's a little old lady! I don't know what I expected, but she was nothing like I imagined."

"Well, that was 20 years ago. So she wasn't always this old."

"Still, she's way older than us. I guess back then, I thought she was some young thing, being all snobby about our city, trying to make us look bad. But she's OLD!"

"Your letter probably aged her overnight. You're lucky her hair didn't turn white. OR DID IT?"

"Stop! I feel bad enough. I was just tired of that monkey business."

Let the record show that you hardly ever hear of local monkeys these days in Hillmomba. No matter what their weight.