Not in Hillmomba!
Let's back up a bit. Park A-Cad in the Wayback Garage. Start at the beginning of the story, rather than the end. Hope you didn't get whiplash from my sudden change of direction.
Last week, we went to the casino with my sister the ex-mayor's wife, and the ex-mayor. They invited us. We drove. They paid for gas. We were entertained.
Let the record show that a few weeks ago, we all played Trivia together, on a team headed by one of Farmer H's old friends. She's an ex-teacher, who was at one time employed by the local newspaper. Ex-Mayor had been concerned that she would recognize him from his Mayor days, when he had written her a scathing letter concerning her title choices. He felt that Hillmomba was unfairly singled out in articles that showed his mayored-city in a less than positive light, while stories about such issues in surrounding communities were only cited as Local Man, etc.
Anyhoo... as soon as we pulled out on the road after picking up our passengers, Ex-Mayor pulled out a folder.
"You know I told you about my letter to the paper? I found a copy. Here it is..."
He proceeded to read it. I must say, I snorted, Farmer H grunted, Sis sighed, and even Ex-Mayor chuckled here and there.
"Maybe that was a little harsh, but I was just fed up. She'd put a story in there with a title like: Only 40-Pound Monkeys Allowed in Hillmomba. Now of all the things, she had to lead with a title like that, AND identify it as our town. I was working in the city then, and you can't believe all the grief that caused me. The guys who worked for me wouldn't let it go."
"Hey, did you get your 40-pound monkey yet?"
"No. My monkey was 50 pounds, and I got kicked out of town!"
"Does everybody down there have monkeys? They must, if you have this law about them!"
"How many monkeys do YOU have?"
"I hope they don't weigh too much!"
"Can I leave work early? I have to go pick up my monkey!"
"I was a laughingstock. I just got tired of it, and I wrote her that letter. I don't think she ever responded. When I saw her at Trivia, I felt bad. She's a little old lady! I don't know what I expected, but she was nothing like I imagined."
"Well, that was 20 years ago. So she wasn't always this old."
"Still, she's way older than us. I guess back then, I thought she was some young thing, being all snobby about our city, trying to make us look bad. But she's OLD!"
"Your letter probably aged her overnight. You're lucky her hair didn't turn white. OR DID IT?"
"Stop! I feel bad enough. I was just tired of that monkey business."
Let the record show that you hardly ever hear of local monkeys these days in Hillmomba. No matter what their weight.
6 comments:
Maybe you should get a monkey and find out if the laws are true.
River,
Heh, heh! I live outside the city limits, so those monkey laws have no jurisdiction over me!
it's all a bunch of monkey business! I always wanted a monkey for a pet when I was young. I have no idea why, my mother wouldn't even let me have a dog or cat. Do you recall that sitcom with Shelley Winters and two chimps that she would dress in clothes. It was on when I was about 7 or 8. I can't remember the name of the show. I would fantasize about a chimp that I could dress up and take everywhere. I suppose I could make my dogs wear clothes ….
Kathy,
I can see you with a monkey! I've never wanted one, myself. Maybe because I don't recall ever seeing that TV show. Not only could you make your dogs wear clothes... you could MAKE their clothes, and possibly start a doggie clothing line. You know. In all your spare time.
I DID make some dog clothes and harnesses with leashes. I called them "Doggone Cute Stuff", a tiny little division of Kathy's Klothesline. I had my own labels and every thing. Another line was Dolly Duds. I made doll clothes for American Girl dolls. Then there are the sock monkeys. I toyed with thought of sock monkey outfits to sell separately. Just have trouble cutting all that stuff out with the arthritis in my right thumb. I am sporting a calcified knot and am told I will eventually need surgery to have it chiseled down in size. I am not up for that surgery, since it would be under local anesthesia and I would have to hear them hacking away.
My little Sweet Emmy Lou, the 6 lb. long haired Doxie was happy to wear anything I put on her. She had the best disposition. Eddie has a similar disposition, but is not happy in a shirt or sweater. None of my current pack of critters are into clothing!
Kathy,
Of course you did! How could I underestimate you like that?
If it was "only" a thumb, I'd just tell them to give me a "volume" as my students used to refer to Valium (don't even ask why they were talking about it), and get 'er done.
Yes, I really can't imagine Toni Louise modeling an outfit...
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