I know better than to shop at The Devil's Playground on a Friday. I do. But sometimes, you need things on a Friday, because you forgot them on a Tuesday.
Of course I know not to shop on the first weekend of the month. It's when people get their benefit checks. Not so much checks anymore, virtual money, deposited in their account, or loaded on their card. The stores are always packed on the first weekend. But sometimes, you need things on the first weekend that you forgot earlier in the week.
Nobody wants to shop on a day the schools are out for inclement weather. Well. Nobody but teachers, and women who want to find a way to pass the time with their houseful of kids. I generally avoid shopping on inclement weather school days. But sometimes, you need things when kids are out of school, because you forgot them on Tuesday, when kids were in school.
Sweet Gummi Mary! I know not to shop on the day before six inches of snow is rolling in! That's when people rush to the store for milk and bread! Gotta have that milk and bread! I smugly bought my milk and bread on Tuesday. But sometimes, you need things on the day before six inches of snow rolls in, because you forgot them on Tuesday. And besides, you can't control the weather.
Yeah. I ended up at The Devil's Playground on Friday. Because I forgot toilet paper on Tuesday. We probably had enough to get by. But you don't want to take that chance.
The Devil's Parking Lot was almost full!!! I had to park way over past the garden center. On a row where half the spaces close to the store were roped off with concrete blocks and yellow not-police tape, for an eventual display of gardening supplies and paving stones. It's not so much that I mind the walk. I had a cart/walker, you know. Because I parked next to a cart return. I was pretty sure that if I didn't take in a cart, I might not get one.
Traffic was terrible. It crept at a snail's pace along the drive in front of the store. It doesn't help that they put up new STOP FOR PEDESTRIANS signs. Twice as many now. You like them when you're a pedestrian, but when you're a driver, it sucks.
The human traffic inside The Devil's Playground was like a double rush hour. Four or five carts on every aisle. People trying to maneuver. I don't mind people picking up a product to read the directions or ingredients. But there should be a special place in The Devil's Playground to punish those who park their cart in front of the dishwashing liquid and proceed to LOOK AT THEIR PHONE and tell their wife about somebody's text!
Once I got to the very back of The Playground, where rolls and rolls of multipacks of assorted brands of toilet paper reside... I couldn't pull out from my aisle into that one. Too many people. I couldn't see around the corner. A lady was standing right in front of the Charmin Ultra Strong 9-Pack that I wanted. But that's okay, she was trying to reach a different brand way in the back of the giant shelves.
Good thing she was leaning into that space. An old man on a beeper cart plowed right into her shopping cart! Slammed it alongside! Moved it a couple feet! And KEPT ON GOING! It was a hit-and-run accident that didn't look like an accident. That Old Dude was going WAY too fast for the conditions. A possible daughter or caretaker followed behind, apologizing, trying to keep up. The paper-picker who barely avoided having some limbs sheared off replied, "He's a man on a mission!" I don't know how she could be so polite.
I finally got my Charmin, and since I was already at the back of the store, I proceeded to pick up some extra strawberry water for Farmer H. As I came back out that aisle, the front of my cart was almost clipped by Old Dude! He seemed highly pissed-off at something. He slammed that beeper cart into reverse, unmindful of the three carted shoppers diving out of his way. Old Dude rammed his beeper cart, backwards, into a molded plastic bumper thingy on the corner of the egg aisle, and headed back along Toilet Paper Row, leaving a lot of people staring after him, open-mouthed.
I felt safer on the roads adjacent to The Devil's Parking Lot, even though traffic was at a standstill, cars unable to get through the lights.
It doesn't help that it's tax refund time, either.
2 comments:
Perhaps Old Beeper Cart Dude was annoyed at his carer/partner trying to keep him slowed down. Maybe he doesn't enjoy shopping. Maybe the cart is new to him and he hasn't got the hang of it yet. Or he could just be a cantankerous old so-and-so.
From your first few paragraphs a person could be forgiven for thinking you seem to forget a lot of stuff on Tuesdays. Do you not write a list? An extensive list?
If I thought there'd be snow and we couldn't get to the shops in winter, I'd be buying toilet paper on every trip all summer. You could store it all in one of Hick's shacks in Shacky-town.
River,
From his facial expression, I'd say he was just a cantankerous old so-and-so.
I always have a list. I generally keep three lists. For The Devil, Save A Lot, and Country Mart. I prefer certain items from each place. Sometimes, my list is down in my lair when I think of an item upstairs. Like the toilet paper, when I got a roll out of the hall closet, and saw that we were running out. Can't store it in Shackytown, because the squirrels sometimes get in them, and would shred it!
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