Hey! Have you heard? Mrs. Hillbilly Mom is an arsonist! Uh huh. And maybe there's an award in it for her. Because just this morning, a pupil told her, "You have the best burns ever!"
Let the record show that Mrs. HM is not trying to bruise the tender self esteem of her charges. On the contrary. She is trading barbs. Well. Not so much trading barbs as shooting barbs at weak little fumbling infantile attempts at besting her efforts towards classroom control. Also let the record show that they started it!
Taking attendance is like running a marathon during this particular class period. It helps not that only five girls are interspersed with sixteen adolescent males jousting for superiority. No buffers. It's like Lord of the Flies in there. I would smite them with a bone-crushing bellringer every day, but that would only make more work for me while they pointedly ignored it. I swear they are avid enthusiasts of Roseanne Roseannadanna, because IT'S ALWAYS SOMETHING! Today, for instance...
"Hey! Tex! Put that thing away!"
"Are you looking at your PHONE?"
"What? No! I don't have my phone out."
"Huh. You look like that every day. When you have your phone out. All hunched over. In fact, I'm getting worried about your posture."
"I don't have my phone out. I'm tall. I sit that way so people can see over me."
"Then when I ask what you're doing, you slide your hand in your pocket. Just like now. To put your phone away."
"I'm not putting my phone away. I'm cold! It's cold in here. I was putting my hand in my pocket to get it warm."
"Huh. I thought cell phones heated up when you used them so much. Surely that would keep your hand warm enough to stay out of your pocket."
"Ooh! BURN! You have the best burns ever!"
And...SCENE! Attendance taken. With one mental arm behind my ever-being-broken back.