They Can Stop Busting Mrs. Hillbilly Mom's Hump Any Time Now

Mrs. Hillbilly Mom has a bone to pick with her bank.

Is it not bad enough to lose one's debit card on Wednesday evening of the Thanksgiving weekend? Just because one is preoccupied with one's mother having two ambulance rides in one day for a total of 90+ miles, and having one's surly husband riding shotgun because he doesn't deal with bank drive-thru transactions, and having one's Pony count one's money for a deposit in one's #1 son's account, and come up $20 over, thus the apparent reason for the 34 on the ACT with a perfect score in every subject area except math, and then having a crowding tailgater waiting to get at the ATM?

Good thing Mrs. Hillbilly Mom had cash on hand. And good thing Mrs. Hillbilly Mom is not a Black Friday shopper. I went to the bank at 11:00 a.m. to ask for my card back. Five people were standing around twiddling their thumbs. One other customer was in the bank. But no. I could not get my debit card back.

"We haven't opened the ATM. Maybe at 2:00. Can you get it at 2:00?"

"I live fifteen miles away. I won't be here at 2:00."

"Can you come in tomorrow morning?"

"No. I'm going to the hospital to visit my mother tomorrow morning. I can't come in Monday evening because I have a meeting after work. I was really hoping to get my debit card today."

"We can call you when we get it out."

"That doesn't help me now."

"You can call us to see if we have it out."

"Never mind. I will get it sometime."

Seriously. What is with these people? Is that ATM on a timer? Is there only one authorized opener who works an hour a day? Are they holding money in there for Fort Knox? Why can nobody explain why THEY CAN'T GET MY CARD OUT OF THE ATM?

I have half a mind to switch banks. But the other half reminds me how much trouble other people have had with my other options.

I might just have to convert my assets to gold coins.