Oh He Called To California With A Paid Bill On His Knee, And He's Going Down To The Hospital, The Bookkeeper For To See

Farmer H is hot to trot! And not in a good way. In the angry way that my best ol' ex-teaching buddy Mabel uses it.

He had just arrived home from a long day taking my mom to the hospital for surgery, and I had just arrived home from a long day of my regular job which included grading 18 assorted make-up assignments due to various school trips and deer hunting excursions. Neither of us was in a mood for suffering fools. Gladly or otherwise.

As I slaved of a hot oven, warming up yesterday's pot roast and whipping up some garlic cheese bread, I opened today's mail.

"I am SICK of this! Here's another bill from your hospital for that test in August. I called them last month when we got the second bill and told them I paid it. The dude said there was no record of a payment. I told him the number of the check that had cleared the bank in September, the very week I received that first bill. And he said they would start a review, and not to do anything now, but I might need a copy of that canceled check if they notified me. So I got right on the phone to the bank, and got that check copy. Here it is. And the note of who I talked to in the California office, which is that number listed on the statement, and what day, and what time, and what he said."

"HM. Don't get all worked up about it. We paid it. We're not paying it again."

"But this ALWAYS happens! Nobody can do their job any more. I pay a bill way before the deadline, and now I'm getting a THIRD notice! For no reason!"

"I'll call them right now."

Farmer H got the phone. I heard him ask for someone. I went back to meal-making. I went to the bathroom and changed my clothes. Farmer H was still sitting in his La-Z-Boy with the phone to his ear.

"I see what they do. They put you on hold so long that they think you'll hang up. Then they don't have to deal with you. Well, I'm not hanging up." A few minutes later, I heard a dial tone. "Yeah. Now they hang up on ME! I'll fix them."

Farmer H dialed again. "Yes. I want to talk to someone about his bill I already paid! NO! I CAN'T hold. I was just hung up on by one of your people after I'd been on hold for fifteen minutes! I want to talk to someone NOW. Here is my account number. I paid this bill. And my wife already called last month to tell you people that it was paid. No. You people ran the check. So you should have a record that it was paid. No. She didn't fax anything. Nobody told her to fax it. NO! I don't WANT my account frozen, because I DON'T OWE YOU A THING! What? What number should I fax it to? No. Wait. Can I just take it down to the hospital here, where I went, instead of dealing with you people in California? Because you don't have a clue what you're doing. Fine! I'll take it to them tomorrow. If THEY tell you that I don't owe anything, will THAT be good enough for your office? GOODBYE!"

Yeah. Farmer H is not one to mince words. I think now that he's had a glimpse into my world, he might understand why I get all worked up.