Mrs. Hillbilly Mom's Misspent Summer

Mrs. Hillbilly Mom is an eternal optimist.

Last night, she made big plans for today. No appointments, no house-clearing-out, no bill-paying, no trip to town for soda or lottery. Just a relaxing day around the house, making a quick lunch for The Pony, the rest of the time spent reading or writing. A staycation for her mind.

Even Steven had other plans.

When I got up at 7:30, I saw an email from our lawyer had come in at 5:20 a.m. Don't you worry about the Hillbilly family. Our lawyer keeps donut-maker hours. It was about the paperwork for straightening out those phantom 3 acres on the deed to my mom's house. Even Steven likes nothing better than a game of giveth and taketh.

The first email was actually at 5:17. "Need Dad's full name." The second at 5:20. "Found in file. Drop by and sign." I'm quite thrilled that he was brief. His time is my money, you know.

So...I sent a text to my sister the ex-mayor's wife so she could sign. I figured this couldn't take long. I would leave home by 9:00, and be back by 10:00. Still with the whole day ahead of me.

At the lawyer's office, the receptionist behind the smoked-glass window that is opened when you ring a doorbell told me that she did not have the paperwork. She went to check while a hardened criminal and his gun moll eyed the back of my head or my ample buttocks as I waited. Oh. Lawyer had left the paperwork for her to get ready, but had not told her we were coming by today. They could have it in an hour.

As I told them I'd be back, and that I would notify my sister, in walked Sis. Alone.

"They're not ready yet. I was just going out to get my phone to text you. Where's Babe?" That's her granddaughter, 18 months old, who she's keeping this week.

"I left her in the car."

"NOOOO! It's 100 degrees already."

"Ha ha ha. Really. I left her in the car. I'm only going to be here a minute." She smirked while I elbowed past her out the door. "Of course, the ex-mayor is in the car with her, and it's running. He had to work all night, so he's off now."

Oh. I forgot to mention the part where on the way to the lawyer's office, I stopped by the cemetery, and saw that the metal flower-holder thingy is missing from Mom and Dad's grave. No time for that story today. Let it suffice to say that to kill an hour, Sis and her crew went to The Devil's Playground, and I went back to the cemetery.

Because my cemetery business did not take an hour, I went to bill-paying town to pay the house bill two days early. Then I went to put The Pony's college money in his account. By that time, an hour and 15 minutes had passed. I went back to the lawyer's office.

"Oh. There's only one of you?"

"Yes. I thought we were just signing papers."

"Don't worry. The papers are done. But Lawyer wanted to meet with you both."

"That's news to me! It wasn't in the email at 5:20 this morning. And nobody mentioned that an hour and 15 minutes ago."

"He's just really bad at communicating with us. He's REALLY in trouble now!"

"Let me go out to the car and get my phone. Sis lives just up the road. I'll see if she's back home now."

She was. She arrived in five minutes, and we went in to talk to Lawyer. He wanted to make sure which of the deeds was the land that needed to be officially linked with the house and other acreage. Then we signed the papers. He left to get us a each a copy. Sis is usually a talker, like Mom. She had already complimented Lawyer on the re-design of his office. Not that we're regulars or anything.

"Sis! He charges by the minute!"

"What?"

"I can't YELL it! He charges by the minute. Even if you're chatting."

"I know!"

So he came back, and we asked if we would be responsible for 40 years of back taxes on that parcel, and he said the county could only go back 5 years. It was their fault they nobody caught this mistake until now. Also, that the title company said there was no sign of a lien against the property. So we would probably be okay.

Then we got up to leave, and Sis started asking about his daughter, who joined his practice, and whether she knew what she was doing, and Lawyer said he has to help her, because law school really does not prepare you for the actual job, and Sis said, "Just like teaching." It was all I could do to keep from grabbing her in a headlock and dragging her out the door. Where is one of those vaudeville shepherd's crooks where you need it?

Next, I had to call The Pony and explain that I was just now starting home, way after 10:00, and see if he wanted me to bring him lunch, since I was not in much mood to make him something.

By the time I got home and sat down to my own lunch, it was 1:00.

Every day this summer has been like that.