Chronicles Of Hillmomba: The Lyin’, The B*itch, And The Cedar Chest

While going through the kitchen cabinets at my mom's house, we found some old dessert dishes. My sister the ex-mayor's wife wanted the Tupperware parfait cups like these:

Fine with me. Sis remembered eating pudding out of them. I, myself, did not. Sis wanted them so she and Babe, her granddaughter, could have special treats and memories. I preferred the clear plastic swirly bowls suitable for ice cream. They were probably six for a dollar at Dollar Tree, but I saw no obvious tags on them.

This morning I bought some frozen fruit at The Devil's Playground. Just to mess with The Devil, you know. To make him keep stocking those frozen things in his not-heaven of a store. I thought of my new old ice cream cups. When Farmer H came into the Mansion at lunchtime to get his two slices of leftover pizza that had required the whole box to be shoved onto the top shelf of Frig II, floating on the lid of the milk jug and the package of The Pony's lunch ham piled on top of a pint of slaw piled on top of a quart of strawberries...I asked him where he put my ice cream bowls.

"Remember when we used to get those bags of frozen fruit at Sam's Club? The grapes and cantaloupe and honeydew and peaches? Well, I got a smaller bag this morning, of strawberries, bananas, and peaches. Where are my swirly ice cream bowls I brought from my mom's? We can eat it out of them."

"Oh. They're in a bag in the basement. The Pony and I carried them down with that stuff."

"Where at in the basement? Do you know?"

"In a bag. In a box. Through the door."

"Through the door? Which door?"

"The door. In the basement."

"Which one?"

"They're in a box just inside the door. To the left."

"WHICH door?"

"The door in the basement!"

"WHICH DOOR?"

"I told you. They're in a box on top of the cedar chest--"

"Wait a minute! I thought the cedar chest was in the garage!"

 "That's the one from your mom's. This one is from your grandma. They're in a box on top of the cedar chest, just inside the door."

"WHICH DOOR!"

"The basement only has one door."

"No, it does not! There's the door to your safe room, the door to the workshop, the door to the bathroom, the door to my office!"

"Just inside the door! To the left! On top of the cedar chest. Where my tools are."

"Oh, the workshop. All you had to do was say in a box in the workshop. The Pony could find it."

"I DID!"

Let the record show that three hours later, I sent The Pony on a reconnaissance mission. He reported that he found the cedar chest. By the outside door to the basement. Which has no left upon entrance, there being a concrete wall that comprises the south end of the Mansion six inches to the left of that door. The cedar chest was straight ahead from that vantage point. And to the right, if you enter by the inside workshop door and walk the length of the workshop to get to it. I did not have The Pony check for the ice cream bowls yet.

We may or may not be enjoying cold fruit in swirly ice cream bowls this week.