And now...the rest of the story.
When we last convened, Mrs. Hillbilly Mom was on the lam, suspected of stealing a folding table and four chairs, a Budweiser bottle opener, and a copper-bottom saucepan.
Well. I have a little confession to make. I shot the sheriff, but I did not shoot the deputy. WAIT! That was Eric Clapton. Mrs. HM did not shoot anybody. Nor did she abscond with any of the items itemized above. However...her accomplice did. WITHOUT MRS. HM's KNOWLEDGE!
So...Sis had been so insistent about the folding table and chairs that I called Farmer H.
"Hey. Did you take a folding table and chairs out of Mom's bedroom?"
"No. The #1 son did. He saw them, and said he wanted them."
"How could he do that? He wasn't out here. You were the one moving stuff. You and your Number One Son. Our #1 was home with me at the Mansion, packing his stuff there."
"Well...he's got it at his house. We moved it out there last Saturday. I guess I found it and sent him a picture and he said he wanted it."
"Nobody ever mentioned taking that table and chairs to me. You were told just to get the bedroom furniture. You thought you'd get away with it, didn't you."
"Your son has it in his house. I'll go get it back. I'll go right now!"
"Why can't you just admit that you took it and didn't tell me on purpose. It's been a week, and it was never mentioned."
"I'll never come back out there. Then you can't accuse me."
"But you DID take it. Without asking."
"I'm getting it back. Then I'm done!"
Let the record show that Farmer H went to pick up his ill-gotten gains on Sunday morning, and put it back in Mom's house. Then described to me several items he noticed while walking around in there.
You can't trust anybody these days!
2 comments:
I still don't understand all the hullabaloo over a card table and four chairs. Not that I think Farmer H did anything wrong. He just noticed something that was utilitarian--nothing special about it--and took it.
It's your sister.
So she plays cards. Where is she playing cards these days, since she was so hot and bothered over that card table? Is that kind of furniture illegal in the country, or is it available only in limited quantities--like that over-the-counter meth materials--which would explain your sister's desperation over that card table.
Of course, I'm assuming Swarorski (spelling?) crystals aren't hot-glued to the edge of this table in question...
With a sibling like this, you will NEVER run out of writing material...
Sioux,
I don't know. Maybe there's a fortune in pinochle winnings stuffed under the vinyl lining. That's all Mom and Dad ever played. I don't know what kind of cards Sis plays.
And to think I was worried about my material, what with Mom's passing, and the #1 son away too much for a good comeuppance tale. Sis is usually pretty funny with her bone-in tire and Babe opening up T-Hoe's rear and such. If we can get rid of Mom's stuff, maybe she will be more entertaining and less persnickety.
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