Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Wet Hot Hillmomban Summer

My sister the ex-mayor's wife did me a favor on Saturday. She can't spend ALL her time thwarting my every move.

The Pony's friend invited him to a shindig at his church. The Pony went last year and had a blast. The day was to include general goof-offery on inflatables that had been set up for the kids at vacation bible school. The older kids got to use the bouncy house, the big slide with water and a catching pool at the bottom, and a couple of other apparatuses that I did not recognize in their deflated states.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. No need to turn this into the Seinfeld backwards India wedding episode.

The church is located in a little community out past Newmentia. I have been there twice, but don't know my way around. Mrs. Hillbilly Mom is terrible with directions. I asked Sis, during one of our house-clean-out sessions, if she knew where that was.

"Oh, we went on a scooter tour of it for six hours one weekend. There were 12 of us. We went to all the historical places. And by the churches and the store and the restaurant with the pies..."

"Do you want to ride along when I drop off The Pony? Farmer H is moving the #1 son to his college house, so I have to take him."

"Sure. I can drive if you want."

"Okay. You can drive my car. We'll be over to your house around 10:30 on Saturday."

We were a little early. Sis took us right there, not missing a single turn on those unmarked roads. We went all around the little town. Stopped at the park. Saw the sights. People were giving us the eye.

"We're strangers to this community, you know! And kids know my car from school. I don't want to be grilled on why I was cruising around their hangouts when school starts next week. Let's just park by the church and wait for them to get here."

Since it was 90 degrees already, we let T-Hoe idle like a getaway car so we could benefit from the air conditioning. I turned to The Pony, sitting in his swimsuit and a quick-drying shirt, clutching his backpack with laptop and spare clothes.

"What time will this be over?"

"I don't know. He said darkish."

"Well, I have to come back for you, and I barely know how I got here. So we need to set a time. I'll be here at 7:00 unless you text me with the real time. Remember, it will take me about an hour to get here."


"Are you going to have something to eat? Do you need money?"

"Last time we walked to the store and bought pizza. It wasn't very good, because it was grocery store pizza. Still, it was pizza. And on the way, we saw a pig walking up the middle of the road."

"Here's a ten and a five and some ones. I expect change back if you don't use it. What else are you going to do all day?"

"We're going to play on the stuff, then take it down and pack it up so it can go back, then clean the church, then watch a movie."

"You realize that you are going to have to clean, right? Not sit in a corner with your laptop?"

"I know."

"No blaspheming!"

"I won't."

"Okay. Here they come. Have a good time."

"I will."

Let the record show that I found my money, unused because the leaders bought pizza for the kids, in the pocket of The Pony's swimsuit the next day, all damp. Let the record further show that I gave that money to Farmer H to spend at the R-rated movie he took The Pony to that afternoon. And let the record finally show that Farmer H had no issues at all with handing over wet money to the AMC Theater ticket-taker.


Sioux said...

The Pony and Farmer H at a movie? That left you all alone, with the house to yourself?

I'm jealous.

Hillbilly Mom said...

The time alone was breathtaking.