Farmer H, The Transgressor Who Keeps On Transgressing

Old Mrs. Hillbilly Mom went to Frig II, to get her poor self some cheese. But when she got there, she saw with despair, a sight that made her ill at ease.

Uh huh. I went to make some super nachos yesterday. I was in a hurry, and did not want to stand and grate a hunk of sharp cheddar sliced from the block. So I grabbed the bag of shredded cheddar from the second shelf. Huh. I could have sworn that bag looked less full than the day before, when I added some shredded cheddar to our chicken tortellini. Further inspection revealed that the top of that store-bought zip lock bag that the cheese came in was not sealed. It gaped open when I unfolded the bag. I was sure I had sealed it. That's what you do to keep your cheese fresh. You don't want to find it moldy when you barely have time to grab it, what with trying not to cut the cheese. I made sure that it was sealed when I put it away. Checked three times.

Today, I wanted some more super nachos. That's because the gas station chicken store was too crowded after our trip to The Devil's Playground. No chicken for me. And no 44 oz Diet Coke. Just a trip back home to put away the groceries and whip up some lunch for myself.

I'll be darned if that bag of shredded cheddar wasn't OPEN again. I know I hear phantom footsteps in the kitchen, but I never thought of a phantom entering Frig II and getting into the cheese. And there really WAS less cheese. I used the rest on my super nachos. Good thing Mrs. Hillbilly Mom is psychic, and had the foresight Saturday to get TWO new bags of shredded cheddar at Save A Lot. None of that Devil's cheese that molds before the week is out, even though its use-by date is months in advance.

I have not yet interrogated under a bright light, officially questioned, juried, judged, and executioned, asked Farmer H about his cheese usage. But I'm pretty sure he'll deny any involvement. Even though the level of the clear plastic pack of bologna has gone down considerably since Thursday.

Maybe I know why The Devil's cheese molded a few weeks back. Could have had something to do with a big meaty microbe-crawling hand that dipped into the tender mozzarella shreds. The official investigation should be complete by the end of the week.

The alternate title was: Who Moved My Cheese, And Pawed Around In It, And Used Most Of It Up, And Left It Unsealed?