If It's Not One Thing, It's A Hundred And Forty-Eight Others

Mrs. Hillbilly Mom is concerned that employees of the world might soon be performing their duties like TV meteorologists. You remember meteorologists, don’t you? The folks on TV who cry doom about approaching mega snowstorms, or freezing rain that will bring down power lines. So dire is the immediate future that teachers not only count on a day off, they fear they will miss a month of school and have to make it up during summer vacation. The citizens of Hillmomba flock to The Devil’s Playground and buy the shelves bare. Especially the shelves of bread and milk.

And then nothing happens. Yet when the meteorologists say the forecast is clear, abandon hope all ye teachers who watch weather here, you’ll never get a day off this winter, so get those lesson plans updated…the storm of the century hits, and 21 school days are lost.

Uh huh. We’re talking about shoddy workmanship in the workplace.

Last month, Mrs. Hillbilly Mom never received her credit card bill. She had to call and request a duplicate statement. Then she had to call and pay by phone using her debit card. THIS month, Mrs. Hillbilly Mom got her SPRINT bill, wrote out a check, enclosed it in the provided envelope, and mailed it two weeks before the due date. Uh huh. Mailed it on Monday, October 12.

Yesterday, Mrs. HM took time to balance her checkbook, as she does every Sunday.For the past year, Mrs. HM's automated bank phone has been a bit unpunctual. Whereas it used to update daily, it now seems as if the records are only updated on Fridays.

All transactions for last week, and the week before, had cleared. Except the SPRINT check. Mrs. HM checked her SPRINT bill. Due by October 25th. That very day! So she called the SPRINT automated line, just in case they had received the check, but the bank hadn't recorded its clearance. Nope. So Mrs. HM paid with her debit card by automated phone. TWO WEEKS! Surely the Pony Express could do better than that! Her own Pony, without a driver's license, could have gotten it there in two weeks.

"But Mrs. HM," you say. "Why not switch to paperless billing?"

"DO YOU WORK FOR SPRINT?" screams Mrs. Hillbilly Mom. Because that's what their automated phone line kept asking her. She had to refuse TWICE! And here's a perfect example of why she refused.

The bank's automated line said we had a debit charge of $74.42. Nobody admitted to it. Not Farmer H. Not the #1 son. And especially not The Pony. Farmer H allowed that he made a purchase of $72.94 near that date. Even brought out the receipt. From Lowe's. The automation only said the charge came from a home supply store. That narrows it down to about ten stores that are frequented by Farmer H.

That meant Mrs. HM had to talk to a person. After waiting on hold with extra-loud classical music for six minutes. The person confirmed the amount of $74.42. From Lowe's. Nothing for $72.94, nothing else from Lowe's in the time frame of Farmer H's receipt. Huh. We all could have sworn that Farmer H fudged those numbers. But no. There was the receipt in my hand, showing a charge of $72.94, of which the bank had no record.

Somehow, the Hillbilly bank account was ripped off for $1.48.

Farmer H brainstormed. Lightning flashed. Thunder roared. And then he came up with an explanation. "That was them batteries I ordered online, to be delivered to the store. I do a lot of business online for work. Sometimes, a company will charge 2% if you use a card instead of a purchase order. That would be $1.46." Farmer H is a wizard at doing math in his head.

Let the record show that nowhere on the receipt did that 2% show up. Or the $1.46. It's close enough to $1.48 to let it go.

Now I'm off to check PayPal to see why they sent me an email thanking me for my charitable donation.

MRS. HILLBILLY MOM DID NOT MAKE A DONATION!