Monday, November 26, 2018

Mrs. HM Is On A Roll

Yes, I'm on a roll. Don't think that means I'm offering myself up for a tasty snack. Or that I'm raking in money hand over fist through scratchers or casinos. (Though half of that is true). No, I'm on a roll, bashing Farmer H left and right over our recent Pony-visiting trip to Oklahoma.

Surprisingly enough, I had a great time. I'm not even mad at Farmer H for much of anything. Even that STRESSFUL comment about my Thanksgiving Dinners wasn't made until we were almost home. So he as actually on pretty good behavior for HIM. Which doesn't mean I have nothing to complain about, however.

Let the record show that I was still sick as a dog with the sickovirus when we left home early Tuesday morning. Maybe I was lapsing in and out of consciousness, because Farmer H's sweaving didn't really bother me. He even had an excuse for it, the one time I asked if it was possible for us to only drive in ONE lane for the next nine hours.

"HM. You know I can't see out of my left eye. So I compensate for it. In fact, Buddy used to tell me, back when we were teenagers, that he was scared to death to ride with me--"

"I KNEW IT! See? I'm not the only one!"

"HM. Because I'm blind in my left eye, I'm afraid I might hit a car on that side. So I cheat over to the edge, to keep me away from oncoming traffic, or other cars passing me--"

"WAIT A MINUTE! That doesn't explain why you SWEAVE! If it was because of your eye, you wouldn't be going from sideline to center line and back continuously. So I call bullcrap on that! Now I can understand if that's the reason you tailgate, and wait to stop at the last minute. But this sweaving part can't be explained by that theory!"

"Okay. Whatever."

"In fact, I'm pretty sure the sweaving is because you don't pay attention to the road ahead, and always have your head turned looking at the scenery."

"Whatever, HM."

See? That wasn't even a fight. It had all started because we (meaning FARMER H) were driving with the left tires completely over the center line. Still, I didn't have side-whiplash this time, and I think only one car honked at us. So it was, as our travels go, a pretty uneventful journey.

Even though we passed three wrecks, two of which had just happened, with other motorists helping the victims out of a car, an ambulance on the way, and an overturned semi being unloaded of its many boxes while law enforcement controlled the scene.

Life is a game of inches, seconds, and attention span.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Has Farmer H ever had a sweaving accident? If so, did he learn anything from it?

Hillbilly Mom said...

fishducky,
No, but he should have, because he ran over an old lady in the city truck when he had a different job. A simple sweave would have kept her out from under his tires!

River said...

I may have said this before, but it bears repeating, any driver who sweaves with me in the car will never get another chance to drive me anywhere. I'd sooner catch a bus or train. Really, with only one good eye, he NEEDS to pay more attention to his driving.

Hillbilly Mom said...

River,
If only we had public transportation so readily available in Hillmomba! No buses or trains here. Only Greyhound, which picks up in Bill-Paying Town and goes far away, or Amtrak, which stops an hour away in the middle of nowhere, or in the city.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

So ,yours hugs the center lane while mine keeps hitting the rumble strips for driving too close to the edge. Makes napping near to impossible!

Hillbilly Mom said...

Kathy,
Technically, mine hugs the center, then hits the rumble strips, then hugs the center again. It's like being inside a ping-pong ball. I agree about the napping! The minute I nod off, the rumble wakes me.