Monday, June 25, 2018

This Is NOT Delta, Delta, Delta

Remember back in the olden days, on SNL, when Melanie Hutsell would say, "Delta, Delta, Delta, can we help ya, help ya, help ya?"

Let the record show that Mrs. Hillbilly Mom is NOT a sister at the Tri-Delt house.

I do not go around asking if I can help anyone. Most notably Farmer H, who is not shy about ASKING ME TO HELP HIM!

Fresh off the 45-minute search for an obscure western belt buckle made of German Silver, which contains no silver...Farmer H requested the very next night that I look up a very special shotgun for him. Of course he did not provide the actual shotgun, as he had the buckle. Nor did he provide a picture. He only provided the terms Ideal, single-shot, 12-gauge. Farmer H is not a very good provider.

As you might surmise, I did not have a lot of luck. I found ONE guy selling such a gun, for $150 or best offer. I printed it out, but Farmer H was quick to inform me the next day that the photo showed a gun NOTHING LIKE his. Imagine that.

I also found out the name of the gun company, which escapes me now, since it went through three ownerships with three different names. And the year they started classifying their guns in seven categories, the second one being IDEAL. Farmer H did not seem as impressed as I would have liked with this information.

So...after all that, which took ONE HOUR of my time and New Delly...Farmer H said, "I'll just take it down to the gun shop and see what they can tell me about it."

Indeed.

Oh, and now I'm probably on a watch list. But not as bad as The Pony.

"I'm probably on a new watch list now." [the old one being because when he was in elementary school, he asked for a computer CD on learning to speak Arabic] "My class had me doing research about something related to the Manhattan Project, and I chose to do the trigger mechanism. Apparently, most information about it is classified."

"Well, I will also be on a watch list, after researching shotguns for an hour last night for Junker Dad."

"Shotguns are normal redneck stuff. The detonation methods of atom bombs are not."

"Maybe you can swing a job with the feds, and use your academic powers for evil." [Because we all know he really doesn't care about helping people.]

"They employ chemical engineers to manage and develop chemical weapons."

I hope there isn't something The Pony is not telling me! But something he DID tell me was that he baked a deep dish Chef Boyardee Pizza, and when he took it out of the oven, he realized he had forgotten the cheese.

Let the record show that Chef Boyardee comes in a box, with powder to mix with water to make dough, a can of sauce, and a packet of cheese. THREE INGREDIENTS!

I'm pretty sure we don't have to worry about The Pony developing chemical weapons...

6 comments:

Sioux Roslawski said...

Apparently he's only a two-trick pony. He can handle two ingredients, but three?

Three is too much.

(Take it from a mom whose son--now a doctor--thought people needed an invitation to go to a funeral... a son who thought George and Laura Bush lived on a college campus we visited after he heard the term "President"... a son who expected us to believe Senior Skip Day was in October... Their "giftedness" doesn't indicate they'll need to be supported in their parents' basement forever.)

Hillbilly Mom said...

Sioux,
Heh, heh! I remember you mentioning the funeral invitation, but the Bushes living on the college campus really cracks me up!

I'm glad you're giving me hope. Because last month...well...I might just have to devote a whole post to another Ponyism, presuming that I haven't already mentioned it.

River said...

A pizza without cheese? That's unthinkable. I was thinking recently about buying the goods to make my own pizzas this weekend, but last night I broke off my front teeth, 2 crowns and a bridge, so I'm on a soft food diet for a while until a denture can be made next week. Seems the stubs of original teeth that were supporting the crowns snapped off at the gumline, they must have been wearing away or cracking unnoticed.

Hillbilly Mom said...

River,
Ack! I feel so bad for you. I hate the dentist.

The Pony's cheese was only what he calls "sprinkle cheese," the powdered parmesan that comes with the pizza kit. He said he put it on when the pizza came out of the oven, but it was not as good.

River said...

Only powdered parmesan? no grated mozzarella? Shame on them.
I don't mind the dentist, it's the cost that hurts the most.

Hillbilly Mom said...

River,
They're in it to make money, not please palates! However, when baked as the deep dish version, this pizza is mainly bread, with a tasty sauce, and the cheese is just an accent flavor. The Pony loves the bready aspect of it.

I'm glad that you're not apprehensive about the dental work. I'd pay to avoid it!