Mrs. HM made the ultimate sacrifice on Friday. She inspected Farmer H's feet!!!
You know that Mrs. HM is no fan of feet. Any feet over the age of 1 year. She abhors feet. But when post-surgery Farmer H said he felt a toenail that needed clipping, and asked for assistance, Mrs. HM was there for him.
Farmer H said that after surgery, the nurses would check the pulse in his toes.
"I don't know where to check for toe pulses."
"Huh. And all these years I've been telling my buddies what a smart wife I have."
"I had no reason to take a toe pulse. Nobody ever taught me to do it. It's not in first-aid books. I've heard of doctors or nurses checking for toe pulses. Like on ER. But I didn't see a closeup of where they checked."
"They were seeing if my toes were turning black. Or cold."
"I will look at them. I can tell if they're black."
Anyhoo... Farmer H went to take his regular meds in the master bathroom, and came back with the toenail clippers. I took off his socks. His toes looked fine. A normal color. Warm to the touch. He could wiggle them all. Then he told me that the little piggy who had none, on his right foot, was the one with the toenail that needed clipping.
I looked at the toe. Felt the end and edge of the toenail. There was nothing to clip! It was smooth along the top and side. No corner. No scraggly edge. Perhaps it was digging into the toe next to it. Or perhaps it was trying to become an ingrown toenail. No way could I have latched onto any material to clip.
Farmer H insisted that the toenail needed clipping, and that he couldn't bend to reach it. I explained that I would have to snip the skin to get any of the toenail in the clipper jaws. That's not something a diabetic wants, I'm sure!
Anyhoo... that was around noon. Later in the evening, The Pony sent a text saying he was coming out to clip his dad's toenails on Saturday night. What in the NOT-HEAVEN?
"Oh. He wanted me to check on a toenail earlier, but there's nothing there to clip. I guess maybe he sent you that before I checked them."
"His text was at 3:00."
Huh. The minute I left for town. What a snake in the grass! Going over my head to get somebody else to clip his toenails! When confronted, Farmer H only made his case worse.
"Well, you cain't see. And I knew you didn't want to do it. So I'll have The Pony clip my toenail."
After I was up to my armpits in Farmer H's feet! He could have saved me the effort and the horror. I actually had my hands all over Farmer H's toes FOR NO REASON!
As bad as it is for me, The Pony might have it worse. He will have to live with being the reason Farmer H loses a foot...
4 comments:
I'll clip his toenails! Where's my chainsaw?
River,
Heh, heh! When The Pony came out tonight, and agreed with me on the toenail situation, Farmer H grew petulant. Like we were sentencing him to a severed next-toe from the rubbing of a non-existent edge on the toenail of the little piggy who had none.
I know you are not he one to ask for a pedicure! My youngest daughter always clips her Dad's finger and toenails when she is here. I am always afraid the overthick pieces will fly and hit me in the face! We are still just getting to know my nephew's new wife (with the twins). She was giving the big sister a manicure when we walked in and offered to put fake nails on mine. I declined, but HeWho said he could use a good manicure, no polish, just a good clip and buff. I ahve a feeling she would get along good with our daughter!
Kathy,
Ooh! You could be blinded by a toenail! Better wear a face shield when "The Clippening" is going on! Good to know that HeWho had a manicure. So now you won't have to put those mitten thingies on his hands to prevent him from scratching himself during naptimes.
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