Rules For Thee, But Not For ME

Ahh...the youth of today. Without them, I would not have a livelihood. I tell myself that often. That's how I make it through the third-quarter doldrums. They came late this year. I hope there's not a song in there, akin to the gales of November coming early. We all know that didn't end well.

Actually, my bone to pick with the youth does not involve the majority. Most of my day is filled with freshmen. They are quite tractable. Pleasant, almost. Because I can anticipate their shenanigans. They are not yet hardened scholars. It's the handful of older adolescents, struggling to break from authority, to forge into adulthood, who get my goat.

I am shocked by some of the opinions I overhear. They are crying out for character construction, if only from a sham character ed instructor who talks the talk but has not yet learned to walk it.

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"I got mad at this lady that came through the drive-thru. She heard me cuss, and said, 'You need to watch your mouth.' So I said, 'You ain't my mother! I'll cuss if I want to.' "

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"You couldn't do that at MY work. There's cameras everywhere. I got in trouble for spitting in the trash can. I wasn't even clocked in. But they said it was unsanitary. And then someone called and gave my whole name and said to watch me, because I chew at work. I wish I knew who did that!"

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"I don't know what the big deal is about chewing. Everybody does it."

"Maybe because it's against the law?"

"It's not against the law to chew! Where'd you get that idea?"

"You can't buy tobacco products until you're 18."

"Well, yeah, they have a law you can't buy it. But that doesn't mean you can't chew!"

"You can't buy alcohol until you're 21. That doesn't mean they let you drink before then."

"Well, that's different. They have to enforce alcohol. But people drink anyway."

"But would they let you do it at work? I don't think so."

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"I've been clocking in not as a carhop. We get less money, because of the tips. But I've been getting more money, AND my tips. If I get caught, I'm going to say, 'What? I didn't know I was supposed to do that.' It's not fair to pay us less."

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"Sit down until the bell. I have to tell some of you this every day."

"That's stupid, to sit down. The bell's going to ring."

"And when it does, you can get up."

"I'm tired of sitting. I've been sitting all day."

"So you should be able to stand up and wander around whenever you feel like it?"

"I don't know why not."

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Same with sleeping. They're tired. They should be able to sleep in class. It's not like we're doing anything. And how come I don't have a pencil to loan them that's a normal size, and has an eraser? Because that one's crap. And if I'd just hand out mechanical lead, we wouldn't have to argue over a pencil. Because they can't help it that they run out of lead. Why can't I take it out of my pencil and give it to them to put in their pencil? It's my fault that work is not getting turned in. And how come they got a zero on yesterday's assignment? That's not fair. No. It wasn't turned in. But that's not a zero. Because they're going to do it.

Enjoy your salad days, kids. Because real life is going to rudely awaken you. Even if you're tired.