Sunday, May 27, 2012

Priorities, People. Priorities.

Farmer H threw a rod.

No, it's not some little-known hillbilly sport that deserves to be in the Olympics right alongside rhythmic gymnastics. And it's not a grown-man temper tantrum. He was mowing the field this morning when his trusty mower that he purchased used from my deceased grandma, right after she had it in the shop several months being repaired, for $800, the exact amount that I had saved for a new laptop, finally quit being contrary and stopped running entirely.

In case that last sentence was too much of a "This morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas" moment for you, let me clarify. The mower is unusable without a new engine. It was used when we got it from my then-alive grandma for the price of $800. She'd had problems with it before we bought it. WE means Farmer H. My laptop money went for a lawnmower.

Now we are faced with buying a new mower. Even though Farmer H has a tractor that he used to utilize for mowing. His idea of having two teenage boys to trim six acres with push mowers was not well-received. He says a new motor would cost about what a mower would cost. Sounds kind of fishy to me. Like the mower salesman would throw in a seat and four tires and a steering wheel and blade for nothing. I'm so sure.

Farmer H went a-shoppin' for a mower after making The Pony pick up sticks for thirty minutes and then swim in Poolio for an hour. He called to say that he found a Cub Cadet (used) for $700. Which kind of seems like putting us back in the same predicament. But Farmer H was convinced it was a good deal. And it's cheaper than a new mower. So we won't have grass as high as an elephant's eye.

There's no saved-up laptop money to skim from. I'm sure #1 will understand that we can only send him to three years of college. Because I refuse to give up gas station chicken and 44 oz. Diet Cokes.


Sioux said...

Well, there are other options that are not as costly as college, but will still put your #1 son on the fast track to success.

An adminstrative intern: Kosmo Kramer is looking for one. Duties: primarily making lunch arrangements at the local diner.

lingerie designer: Mr. Costanza is developing a supportive undergarment for men with man-boobs. The bro? The mansierre? If your son comes up with the winning design, he might be able to choose the name.

Bubble-Boy agitator: Free training will be given by Elaine and Jerry.

There are many more possibilities. So, even if college might not be in the stars, your son could still shoot for the stars with these enticing options.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Just last night, I had visions of him being a hand model. Or perhaps a puffy shirt designer. Or...

video store clerk-I hear the perks are fantastic: fireworks, vodka, cigarettes.

muffin top shop owner-as long as he doesn't try to donate the stumps to Rebecca DeMornay's homeless shelter

Vandelay Industries latex executive-but don't use the product, it's faulty

manage the Penske file-just in case he actually was hired for the job

move cars to the other side of the street-quite a challenge when a movie is being filmed

actor for medical symptoms-such fun to declare "I've got gonorrhea."

But I draw the line at a film career as Buck Naked.