Tuesday, November 26, 2013

And Don't Even Think About Asking To Borrow A Handbasket

Neither a borrower nor a lender be. That is Mrs. Hillbilly Mom's personal motto. Well, that, and people piss me off. Perhaps because both end with prepositions. Of course, that borrower part is not really meant for myself. I sure don't want to get the reputation for being a lender. But if I need something, I can suspend my personal beliefs for one day, as long as I can find a willing lender.

Today a Smart Guy came into my classroom to ask if I had a car. This is a multi-level faux pas. First of all, nobody enters Mrs. Hillbilly Mom's classroom on a whim. She is that old recluse peeping out her curtains, shaking her fist at lawn shortcutters, murmuring to her 100 cats that the young whippersnappers of today are up to no good. Abandon most hope, ye who enter here. Especially if you are the last interruption of the day.

Secondly, do not play fast and loose with your questions. Be specific. Of course I have a car. What kind of legal adult does not have a car to traverse the highways and biways of Hillmomba in order to earn a living? If what you're looking to procure is a toy car, you need to ask if I have a toy car.

Thirdly, DO NOT ASK OBVIOUS QUESTIONS TO WHICH YOU ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER. Since you used such cars on ramps in my class two years ago, in order to gather data and construct graphs, of course you know I have them. What are you, some kind of wise guy, trying to catch me in a fib?

Fourthly, don't juggle orange and yellow Nerf darts in your hands while inquiring. That makes it look like my little cars will be made to pay for my persnicketiness.

Fifthy, upon return, do not walk right past the cabinet from which you excavated my tiny car, across the entire classroom, to place the borrowed tiny car on Mrs. Hillbilly Mom's desk! Put it back in the recycled Hot & Sour Soup clear plastic container from whence it was extracted. Then nod a silent thank you, add a little salute, perhaps, and make your exit.

The youth of today are sorely in need of structure.


Sioux said...

It sounds like hardcore teaching was not taking place today.

It wounds like some of your colleagues were taking it "easy" since a holiday was a couple of days away...

Hillbilly Mom said...

That may be, but not in this case. Smart Guy is taking an independent study class through Mizzou for high school credit, because we don't offer it at Newmentia. He had a lab to perform and write up. The #1 son took the same class. It's online, and tests must be monitored by our support staff.

knancy said...

Taser time.

knancy said...

I am so glad I never had you as a teacher. Nothing personal - just sayin'. Sweet Gummi Mary, you don't even like the "smart" kids?

Hillbilly Mom said...

Funny how a taser never entered my mind. I'm pretty sure that would be against the law, even here in Missouri.

I suppose sarcasm does not transfer well to the monitor screen. I have nothing against this Smart Guy. In fact, I gave him the #1 son's independent study books for free for two months until he had the money to pay half price for them.

In a classic case of There's No Accounting for Some People's Taste, the students actually like me! Almost as well as Sally Field on Oscar night.