Monday, November 11, 2013

"H" Petty And The Heartbreaker, Don't Do Her Like That

Haters gonna hate. Green-eyed enviers gonna envy.

Sweet, sweet Juno. My much-maligned four-legged furry life-partner. The Pony accused her of molesting the bags from The Devil's Playground on Saturday night. That's poppycock! I was right there the whole time, my arms hugging that dear little nose-jabber. Her muzzle was nestled in the folds of my neck. When I pointed that out to The Pony, he said, "Yeah. But look at her tail." Uh huh. Because Juno was wagging her feathery tail with joy, it came in contact with the arched handles of the plastic bags sitting on the side porch. Juno's tail is not an elephant trunk, nor a prehensile monkey tool. Shame on The Pony for his false accusations.

But that's not the worst!

Farmer H bought the cedar chips Sunday. I put the fear of Hillbilly Mom into him. According to The Pony, Farmer H filled all three doghouses. Including Juno's. While she was inside. I call shenanigans! How dare he try to bury my sweet Juno alive! The Pony says it was not intentional.

"Hellooooo! Black dog? Black hole? How was he supposed to know that Juno was in there?"

Methinks Farmer H's minion doth protest too much. What kind of cretin dumps a bag of cedar chips into a doghouse without politely knocking to inquire as to whether the occupant is in? The Farmer H kind of cretin, that's who! Without regard for life or limb or feathery black fur. Farmer H is not home yet. But when he arrives, he's got some 'splainin' to do.

It's not like sweet, sweet Juno could make a shingle to hang out, saying "The doggie is IN." She has no flying experience, so she could hardly snag an OCCUPIED sign to put over her entrance. What did Farmer H want her to do, give that little territorial "cough, cough" that signals somebody is in the bathroom stall? He should have looked. Even if that meant strapping that head light I gave him last Christmas for feeding the goats after dark onto his noggin, and crawling into Juno's abode like a Miner Forty-Niner prospecting for treasure.

Juno greeted me this afternoon when we returned to the Mansion from school. She smelled OH SO SWEET! In fact, some shavings of cedar were clinging to her left haunch. I motioned for The Pony to come closer. "Smell her! Take a whiff of Juno! She smells fantastic!" Can you believe that boy refused? He was on his way to gather THE EGG. Yeah. We're only getting one a day now. When he came back from the chicken area, I was waiting in Farmer H's La-Z-Boy.

"Did Juno's coat look especially sleek today?"

"Yes. Why do you ask? You saw her."

The Pony raised his new wire auction egg basket. It was completely empty. "Does THAT answer your question?"

I don't think I like that insinuation.

Enviers gonna envy.

1 comment:

Sioux said...

Juno is innocent until proven guilty. No body, no crime.