Sunday, February 22, 2015

He's Got The Fever (Maybe)

Friday evening Farmer H called The Pony out to the garage for help. It's not like The Pony is capable of many skills that Farmer H would need that he can't do his own self. The Pony is not exactly mechanical. He doesn't drive. He can't lift much. He doesn't have common sense. Pretty much all he's good for is fetching items the two of us don't want to tax our old feeble legs to get. But there IS one area at which The Pony excels us both. He's NIMBLE!

There was no candlestick jumping involved, but our nimble Pony was needed to access the attic ceiling. The rafters are open, and in his nimbler days, or when he had the older boys to do his bidding, Farmer H laid a plethora of plywood across the bottom boards of those trusses. He uses that space for squirreling away the odd child safety seat, Christmas yard decorations, pet carriers, odd lumber, and many items which I can't see of which I am unaware.

The Pony's task, I imagined, was to climb the ladder to fetch a board for Farmer H. I found out later that such a technique was too sensible for those two. Farmer H used the push broom to lift up the end of the board, and The Pony used the other push broom to hook over the top and pull down the opposite end, thus removing the board from the rafters. Let the record show that I have only seen a push broom used for pushing in the 17 years we have inhabited the Mansion beside the garage. And in that instance, it was used by the #1 son for pushing water out the car door on my side after a heavy rain caused Lake GArage to form.

Don't ask why Farmer H can't store his wood away from me in the BARn. You know the BARn is full of all things that don't belong there. The reason for the board was that Farmer H is finishing his upstairs BARn room, and needed some door trim. Sadly, after carting it all the way over there in the Gator, on TWO new tires costing a total of $249 and change, but who's counting...Farmer H discovered that his trim board that he had down-loaded from the garage rafters was actually a piece of chair rail. A more carpentry-minded man might have notices when he carried it to the Gator, but Farmer H has tunnel vision where his pet projects are concerned. Like how he started out to get ONE Gator tire because it had a slow leak, but ended up with TWO, because he says the tires were an odd size that nobody carries. You know. Because the John Deere Gator is an obscure brand for which few people would seldom want to buy a tire.

Anyhoo...The Pony came back from his nimble duty, kind of whiny, lifting the leg of his pants (not slacks, they are saved for school, he can just be uncomfortable around the house) and moaning, "One of the yellow cats stepped on my foot, and his claw went in." Let the record show that The Pony, as well as not being a people person, is also not a pet person. We've only had these cats for a dozen years or more, and he can't be bothered to distinguish between Genius the yellow tabby or Simba the tawny tan tabby.

"It did THAT, through your shoe and everything?"

Then I looked down. The Pony still had his shoe on the unclawed foot. It was his old dirty beat-up white Adidas slide with the navy blue striped slide part. Uh huh. Snow on the ground, low teens wind chill, and The Pony had chosen those shoes to go outside around the porch down the steps across the sidewalk to the unheated garage. There was a puncture wound seeping blood between his index toe and the middle piggy that had roast beef. Surely the outflow of blood cleaned the wound.

I'm hoping The Pony doesn't come down with Cat Scratch Fever. He doesn't really care much about Ted Nugent.


Sioux said...

You beat me to it. I could hear that screaming guitar, and visions of NRA danced in my head...

Yes, my baby boy is the same...wears shorts in the winter, had to leave one college chemistry class and bike back home because his professor said he needed to wear "big boy pants to do the experiment on that day.

One day they'll get some common sense...but not today.

Hillbilly Mom said...

I think the other one is wishing for common sense now that he wants his tax refund IMMEDIATELY.