Tuesday, April 7, 2015

It Ain't Called Gumdrops, Lollipops, And Rainbows, You Know

Hillmomba is a hotbed of economic development.

Like the new frozen custard store that really needs to get off its duff and get to finish-carpentering, what with its shell having been constructed months ago, and only the insides left to go. Mrs. Hillbilly Mom is droolin' for some frozen custard. Snap out of it and get into it!

Or like the semi-new 50s style restaurant, whose owners seem to have overlooked the fact that anybody who waxes nostalgic for the 1950s is over 65 years old. Not the most dependable clientele. They're on a low sodium diet. They can't remember where the restaurant is located. Many are in rehab recovering from broken hips. And it's hard to walk in for dinner when your shawl keeps getting caught up in the tennis balls on the feet of your walker.

But the newest business The Pony and I have noticed is located in the building that used to be a tattoo parlor. Not that The Pony pays any heed to such establishments. He won't even get a heart with "MOM" in the middle tattooed on his arm. He noticed this building because for quite while, the roof was open to the trusses, with a blue tarp flapping in the breeze, due to what appeared to be a small fire.

Anyhoo...the roof got fixed, and we noticed a new sign on the building: Bells...Books...and...Candles. Yeah. So I asked The Pony as we passed it last week, "What do you think they sell there?" It was kind of a rhetorical question, but The Pony was on it like Encyclopedia Brown solving the clues.

"Um...I would say bells, books, and candles."

"Yeah, right. Like there are enough customers to keep that in business. Every bookstore we ever had around here has gone out of business. Who's going to buy candles there when you can get them at The Devil's Playground? And bells? What kind of bells are we talking about? Is this area just crying out for someplace to get bells? It has to be something else. Maybe it's a store for witchcraft supplies. I could see that happening."

"Well, just now, as we went by, I looked in the door, because it was propped open, and I saw a table full of bells."

"WHAT? What kind of bells?"

"Just...bells. I don't know what kind. It's dark in there. I couldn't tell."

"But you could see that it was a table full of bells. I can't believe that. Who's going to go there looking for a bell?"

"I don't know. But that's what I saw inside."

Mrs. Hillbilly Mom is skeptical. C'mon. How many people are going out shopping for bells, books, and candles in a one-stop shop? Not as many as there were looking for tattoos. And where is THAT business now, anyway? This is probably a storefront for synthetic weed. Or a money-laundering outfit. Don't go telling me that Hillmomba will support a shop that only sells bells, books, and candles!

If you really want to make a splash, open a Weed, Tattoos, and Piercings shop. That's the kind of business Hillmomba patrons will support.


Sioux said...

There is also something quite freaky that is done at some tattoo shops. They put "grommets" (spelling) into the skin in a person's back so they can be swung around by a metal hook.


Hillbilly Mom said...

EEEWWWW! Is there something you're not telling us, Madam? Are you a swinger?

Is that where people get those metal things under their skin, so they have bumpy foreheads and whatnot?