Thursday, April 14, 2016

It Appears That Some Members Of The Newmentia Lunch Time Think Tank Don't Have Mrs. Hillbilly Mom's Best Interests In Mind

Talk at the Semi Weekly Meeting of the Newmentia Lunch Time Think Tank turned to Mrs. Hillbilly Mom's maturity this week. That might be because The Woodsman declared that directions given by one of our Tankers might not be accurate in modern times, the college campus in questions having been modernized since the direction-giver attended.

To his credit, The Woodsman started out by saying, "It's probably changed since we went there."

To which The Specialist replied, "Oh, you mean a couple years ago when YOU graduated?"

And Mrs. Hillbilly Mom couldn't resist beating them to the punch line, "I'm not sure Missouri was even a STATE back when I went to college."

Then the bull-excrement hit the blower. The original direction-giver turned to Mrs. HM, seated at his right shoulder, and asked, "Now how old are you?" Apparently, this inquisitor has never watched A League of Their Own. A lady reveals nothing.

"That is NOT for public discussion!"

"Oh, come on. I know you're close to me."

"That's right. I AM close to you." He could take that any way he wanted.

He looked to a fellow alumni from Mrs. HM's valedictorian years. "Did you graduate together?"

"No."

"Was she behind you?"

"No."

"Was she ahead of you?"

"No."

"Look. I have one ally here, who is NOT going to reveal my secret! So you might as well give it up."

Oh, how the poop hit the ventilation system! Pinky jumped right in.

"You know, one of the students was just commenting on that. 'Mrs. Pinky, I know that Mrs. Hillbilly Mom can't be a day over 45! How can she RETIRE?' And I said to him, 'Ham, if you think about it, if Mrs. Hillbilly Mom graduated from college at 22, and went right to work in teaching, then she had to be AT LEAST 52 YEARS OLD!' And he could hardly believe it."

Um. Thanks so much, Pinky, for using the 30 YEAR assumption to jack up my age. Could you not have said that if I took 25-and-out, I had to be at least 47 years old? Could you not?

I swear! I wish I had remembered to tell her how earlier this year, The Pony's classmates thought I was 40!

I'm pretty sure the Inquisitor left the lunchroom, went straight to his office, and looked up my birthdate in the official school files.

3 comments:

Sioux said...

Those students. Like your puppy, they haven't fully opened their eyes yet.

Seriously, I am one of five writers in St. Louis who has actually met you in person and hasn't been offed. And I can honestly say:

You do NOT look as old as you must be.

fishducky said...

How I explain my age: My youngest son was 52 this year. I am 36. The best way to explain this anomaly is to tell you about something that I read in one of Kirk Douglas’ books. A “senior” movie actress was being interviewed. The reporter said, “Forgive me, Madame, but I have to ask. Your son (who was also a star) admits to being 56. You claim to be 63. How can this be?” Her answer (& mine): “He has his life—I have mine!”

Hillbilly Mom said...

Sioux,
Thank you, Madam. I think.


****
fishducky,
Lucky for me, most of my students are not all that interested in doing simple subtraction or addition.