Wednesday, April 27, 2016

The Ugly American Is Abroad Without A Net

Woe is Farmer H.

He's in France, you know. Perhaps reason enough to be woeful. Or not. Depending on whether or not one is a Frankenphile Francophile.

The specific reason Farmer H is woeful is because his phone will not work. At all. So much for translating the language with that phone app. And only Monday, I discovered from blog buddy Joe H that waiting to see who comes out of the restroom is not a reliable way to figure out the words and symbols denoting the facilities meant for one's proper gender.

Farmer H thinks the #1 son did something to his phone to make it not work, since he turned off Facebook so as not to eat up whatever it eats up with updating. Especially in a foreign land. #1 says nothing he did would make Farmer H's phone not work. He thinks it has something to do with what Farmer H did to his own phone while being walked through instructions from the Sprint people.

If I was a betting woman, WHICH I AM, I would place all of my money on #1's theory.

Anyhoo...I only know all of this because I am now the go-between. Farmer H called me Monday after school, which p.m. in France time. How did he call with no phone? He used his work partner's phone. Not a work partner from Farmer H's U.S. factory. Oh, no. He used the phone of Heinz, the German from Switzerland. I'm sure Felipe, the Colombian with the wife related to Castro (according to Farmer H, even though he can't explain why he thinks it's common for a Colombian to be related to a Cuban), would have done the same. Or Ben, the Chinese man Farmer H brought home from work to ride our 4-wheeler and shoot a pistol while wearing dress slacks and a white shirt. I have to text #1 to get answers to Farmer H's inquiries. Then email the responses to Farmer H, (three times, because he uses two work emails, and one personal email, and I don't know which one he will check) for when he eventually has access to the internet. According to Farmer H, "Me and Heinz are still trying to figure that out."

I'm not even that sure of where Farmer H IS, actually. He told me about a hundred times, "Row-eena." Then left me a note that said, "Roena, France." But it seems to be spelled Roanne. IF Farmer H knows what he's talking about. Because I tried to look up do hotels in Roena, France, have English TV? By request of Farmer H. You can imagine how well THAT search turned out. I kind of think he makes Clark W. Griswold look like a seasoned world traveler.

I hope Farmer H doesn't end up in a Turkish prison.


Kathy's Klothesline said...

Surely Heinz will take care of him .....
Just hope he doesn't come home with him to ride the 4 wheeler.

Sioux Roslawski said...

Or in a rustic bar's toilet, with no urinal and only "footprints" embedded in the concrete floor...

Hillbilly Mom said...

As of today at 2:50, Farmer H reports that Heinz is driving him crazy, and that he's booking a flight home for Saturday, and that he will be returning to GERMANY between May and June. Because, it seems, a large machine is easier to ship from Germany than from France. I think there's some spy business going on here.

That would mean nothing to a man who swears he never uses toilet paper, but instead jumps in the shower after a poop. Surely there must be a bucket hanging from a tree limb outside somewhere, so Farmer H could clean up...