Saturday, April 30, 2016

Prom Drama

The Pony is off to prom this evening. He has just begun the dressing routine.

When we went to pick up his tux on Thursday, there was another kid already behind closed doors trying his on. It made me think of last year, then that befuddled fellow walked out in his black tux with his yellow vest on OVER the suit jacket. This unseen tuxer's mom was taking up two stools at the catalog counter. She was nodding off. Is the whole world on Ambien these days?

Anyhoo...The Pony got done and came prancing out. His jacket was too tight! I KNEW that trainee gal who measured him was not doing it properly. It's not like The Pony has grown a beer gut over the past three weeks. Anyhoo...rather than raise a stink and have to deal with picking up YET ANOTHER jacket on Friday, I just told him to leave it unbuttoned. It looks fine like that.

THEN Unseen Tuxer came out of his closet. Hm. He looked spiffy enough. Like he might be attending afternoon tea with Muffy and Buffy and the ladies over to play bridge. He had a light gray jacket and black pants. More suitable for a casual upper-crust soiree than a formal prom, methought. But hey! Who is Mrs. Hillbilly Mom to judge, with her worn red Crocs who only this morning farted in unison when she slipped them on without socks to open a box of L'Oreal to infuse her tired tresses with life.

Unseen Tuxer's mother roused herself from stupor and objected. "What are you wearing? WHY does he have black pants? He ordered the gray tux. Not different colored jacket and slacks!"

"They were out of that size in gray pants. So they substituted the black ones."

"Why weren't we told?"

"We didn't know that when he rented the tux. They ran out when it was time to fill the order."

"Still. Nobody called US to ask if we wanted black pants with the gray jacket! We should have been given the option to switch to another tux!"

Unseen Tuxer moved to show them, in the catalog, what he'd ordered. In the process rooting around behind Mrs. HM, who was, after all, already seated on a stool, having no other option, what with Unseen Tuxer's Mother taking up the other two. You would think the least that Original Trainee and Unseen Tuxer could do was to say, "Excuse me," and pull the catalog from behind Mrs. HM's back to paw through further down the counter. But no. I was summarily ejected from my seat by fear of an impending paper cut to the jugular.

While those three bandied words, The Pony and I put his tux back on the hangers with the help of the seasoned veteran fitter, and got out while the gettin' was good. Though I DID have to send him back in from T-Hoe to ask when it was due back. Monday by 6:00.

I hope Unseen Tuxer's Mother got some satisfaction. When you pay that much to rent a tux, you expect to get a tux. Not a jacket and slacks.

The Pony may have to leave his jacket open, but at least his pants match. Funny how the pants fit perfectly, yet the jacket is too tight in the belly. I wonder how many other young gents will be parading around prom in ill-fitting finery. The whole school uses this place. And other schools, too. They even said what a madhouse it was on Wednesday (The Pony's scheduled pickup day) when everybody came in at once.

Thank the Gummi Mary that The Pony had scholar bowl that night. And that his beer belly still fits in his pants.


Sioux said...

What about his mane and his hooves? Did they get spiffed up as well?

Hillbilly Mom said...

As a matter of fact, The Pony was having the BEST HAIR DAY EVER! He woke up with his mane squeezed up in the front, like the beginnings of a tiny fauxhawk, the curls just tight enough, but not too tight. It held throughout the day. No currycombing was even necessary.

His hooves were resplendent in the shiny black shoes provided with his tux.