Saturday, January 21, 2017

Farmer H Pokes The Bear With A Stick

Farmer H might not have told me the whole story yesterday concerning the man with a knife on his belt who Farmer H wished had threatened him.

Today I came home from town to find Farmer H at the bottom of our gravel road hill talking to the neighbor who lives at the top. Farmer H came over to T-Hoe's window and said, "A bunch of us are going to pick up sticks later." I knew he meant from the road in front of the crazy knife-carrying man's house. I might as well call that guy Stick Man, because he puts limbs in the road, saying his property goes to the center line. I suppose the land on the other half of the road goes to the center line too. Part of it being our other section that we bought for the boys. And WE don't put sticks on our half to keep people from driving on the road.

Anyhoo, this did not sound like a  good plan to me.

"You're just trying to provoke him. Because of yesterday."

"No I'm not. I was riding up there on the 4-wheeler earlier, and the second time I went by, he pulled out behind me."

"So you want revenge."

"No. He must have been just waiting for me. Because the first time I went by, he was sitting at the end of his driveway."

"Don't go up there. Leave him alone. He's crazy. You'll get shot. Or stabbed."

"Nobody's going to get shot, Val. We'll call the police."

"It takes a lot less time to shoot somebody than it does for the police to get out here and punish him."

"We'll be fine, Val. There's four of us. We're just going to pick up sticks out of the road."

"He'll go crazy."

"That's why we'll call the police. I called them yesterday to tell them they might be hearing from me again if he pulled anything."

"You didn't tell me that YESTERDAY!"

"I just wanted them to know. In case we had trouble with him."

"I don't think you should pick up sticks today. He's already watching for you."

"We're going here in a few minutes, when the guy who lives in Buddy's old house gets done taking down his Christmas lights."

"I wish you wouldn't. I don't want anything to interrupt my chicken dinner."

"I'll be fine, Val. I love you."


Were those supposed to be Farmer H's last words to me? Yikes! Later in the afternoon, I heard the rest of the story.

"We went up there and I called the dispatcher. They asked why I wanted them to come out. I said nothing was going on yet, but they could come now, or come in 20 minutes when I had to call them back. Because I know that guy is going to do something. They sent three deputies."

"THREE? In three cars?"

"Yeah. We had picked up two truckloads of sticks when the guy came out. He wasn't real happy, because the last time them guys went up there, which I just found out, they hooked up a truck to his fence posts and pulled one out."

"That's why he was telling you about his fence yesterday, I guess."

"Yeah. So the woman deputy made it clear to him that he was NOT to put any more sticks in the road, or he will be arrested. They've been called out here to talk to him too many times. And the guy said that I threatened him with a GUN yesterday!"

"Did you?"

"NO! I didn't even have one with me. So the deputy say to me, 'I'm the one who talked to you yesterday when you called, and I don't think you threatened him with a gun. Did you?' And I said, 'No. I told him 'I'm blading the road, and if you don't like it you can go eff yourself.' So today, the guy acts like he won't do anything, and tells her, 'No, no. I'm good. As long as they're not widening the road.'"

I don't know what the deal is with guys. I don't know how they walk around with those things. EGOs, I mean. Get over yourselves already. Everybody out here knows that Stick Man is crazy. No need to go poking him when he's always GROUCHY AS AN OL' BARRR, as Loretty called Doo in Coal Miner's Daughter.

Sometimes, you gotta learn to let the Stick Man lie.


Sioux said...

HM--Oh, you country folk. Here in BigCityLand, we work on keeping the roads clear of limbs. In North County, where I live, sometimes "the man" ignores us, and makes us fend for ourselves, so we have to pull the big branches off the street on our own. You country people work on putting limbs ONTO the roads.

Perhaps we city people could sell you country people our limbs. We clear and your neighbor blocks...

Hillbilly Mom said...

Yes. You do that. Sell us your limbs, and then when we cut them into shorter lengths and split them and stack them on a truck, you will pay us 10 TIMES what we paid, so you can have FIREWOOD!

Kathy's Klothesline said...

Perhaps the man in the oval office can tweet out a solution? He should know about egos and it involves men, so we won't need to worry about any grabbing of body parts ....... not to mention that he knows how to build walls and make others pa for them.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Well...Farmer H knows how to build SHEDS, and make ME pay for them. But I don't know if he'd like that comparison.