Tuesday, January 31, 2017

No Use Crying Over Spoilt Onions

I should have known better. This was not my first rodeo. I climbed right back up on the nag that flung me. Danced with the one what brung me. And THIS is the thanks I got:


It looks kind of sinister, huh? Who do you have to worship around here to get an onion that's not rotten? The Devil is NOT gonna bring Mrs. Hillbilly Mom to tears. No siree, Bob! Let the record show that Mrs. HM did not shed a single tear over this blighted bulb. Purchased on Friday at The Devil's Playground.

Let the record show that I was not performing some disturbing ritual. The Mansion was not without power. This is how my indoor photos turn out with my phone flash. Just hope that you never have to have surgery performed on you during a power outage with the sterile field illuminated by Mrs. HM's handed-down cell phone.

Yes. I should have known better. Don't buy The Devil's produce! I should waited to get my onions at Save A Lot. But these looked so...so...good! Plump. Dry. Flaking skin. Just what a woman looks for in an onion. Until she slices it open and finds it rotten to the core.

It's not like I've had these onions in the bottom drawer of FRIG II since last summer. I just bought them! Less than a week ago! No, I'm not going to take it back to The Devil's Playground. I know there are those of you who would. Bold, confident onion-eaters who know your rights, and won't stand for such tomfoolery. But that is not Mrs. Hillbilly Mom. I threw this one off the back porch. I might as well start an onion graveyard back there.

Yep. The Devil fooled me twice. Shame on me.

3 comments:

Kathy's Klothesline said...

Well, you know I would take it back. Maybe you should build a greenhouse and grow your very own onions? They are easy to grow. I grow them along with chives in one of my flower gardens. The chives make a lovely purple flower and they come back year after year.

Sioux said...

The next time you get a rotten onion, send it to me along with the receipt, and I'll do the confronting.

I don't mind wrestling with the Devil...

Hillbilly Mom said...

Kathy,
Yes. I know you would hold The Devil's feet to the fire.

Too bad nobody around here knows how to build anything...

***
Sioux,
Receipt? I am not in the habit of keeping receipts for my groceries, Madam. Because, silly me, I assume the foods I have just purchased will be edible. Once I write down the amount from the receipt in my checkbook register, out it goes.

Maybe Kathy will take my onion back without the receipt, and while she's holding The Devil's feet to the fire, you can give him a noogie!