Monday, January 9, 2017

Hopefully, You Won't See Mrs. Hillbilly Mom's Face As You Stand In Line At The Devil's Playground

Okay, you're probably not going to believe this. It won't be the first time somebody found Mrs. Hillbilly Mom's claims to be outrageous, and it surely won't be the last. Let's get right to it.

Perhaps you remember yesterday, when I told you that over the Thanksgiving/Christmas holiday period of six-and-a-half weeks, I went off my wise choices eating plan, and ate whatever I wanted, and only gained two pounds! I was happy as could be to have stepped on the kitchen scale Saturday, to find that I had only gained two pounds. I'd been wise-choicing my way through 2016 since February 1st. I relaxed my parameters and good-enough-choiced it over the holidays.

Saturday I climbed back on the horse I jumped off of. Hopped back on the wagon. Back to my self-allotted daily calorie limit. It was simple, really. Just do it. Holidays are over.

This morning, I stepped on the kitchen scales to discover that I ALREADY LOST THOSE TWO POUNDS! I know. That sounds sensational, doesn't it? Not sensational, as in fantastic (although it IS). I mean sensational, as in made up to catch attention. Like a celebrity who buys a fake baby bump and pretends to be pregnant, and brings home an infant birthed by a surrogate, and posts selfies with washboard abs a week later, crediting healthy eating and an old-school workout regimen. Or coconut water.

What? You haven't heard about celebrities doing that? What kind of conspiracy theorist ARE you, anyway? You must be reading the wrong tabloids! won't see any pictures of Mrs. Hillbilly Mom floating around. You'll have to take my word for it. But as of this morning, I was right back to where I was the week before Thanksgiving. At a 98-pound weight loss for the year.

I'm kind of proud of myself.


Sioux said...

OMG! That is fabulous. You should be sooo proud of yourself.

Unfortunately, when lost weight floats up into the sky, eventually it comes down and lands on someone else.

I know who it landed on...

fishducky said...

You have EVERY right to be proud!!

Kathy's Klothesline said...

That is quite an accomplishment and I would be announcing it to everyone, even strangers. I should be making wise choices myself, but, I sure do love to eat!! I tend to be like Cujo when I am feeling low and eat my feelings away. A shame that the serotonin uptake pills don't have a weight loss property. Oh, wait, I did read that it was one of the side effects, but, then so was weight gain, suicidal thoughts ...... I CHOSE the weight loss effect, but was told that one could not simply choose the desired side effects and that is when the suicidal thoughts became homicidal.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Thanks. I almost put my arm in a sling from patting myself on the back. Sorry for bombarding the unawares with my sky pounds!

I hope I'm not headed for a fall! I hear pride is kind of like a magnet for that.

Judging from my weirdo magnet, I never met a stranger. So I could tell ANYBODY.

Oh, those side effects! I'm surprised some of those drugs don't say, "Will cause you to spend money on a medicine that will be more likely to harm you than help you."