Sunday, January 1, 2017

How Many Pandemic Peppers Did Farmer H Fondle?

Mrs. Hillbilly Mom, Farmer H, and The Pony ate New Year's Eve dinner at Pizza Hut in Norman, Oklahoma. You don't need to know why. You DO need to know about Farmer H's shenanigans.

We made a quick run to the casino, taking The Pony along for slots. IT'S LEGAL in Oklahoma. We stayed about two hours, just long enough to lose $60 and infuse ourselves with cigarette smoke. On our way to supper, I held out some Germ-X for The Pony to wash his hands, and then I washed mine. Okay...the Truth in Blogging Law says that I must inform you that it was not actually Germ-X, which had run out, but Purell, Refreshing Aloe. I did not offer any of this disinfectant to Farmer H, because he was driving at the time.

Imagine my shock, as we were sitting in Pizza Hut feasting, to see Farmer H picking green peppers off his Supreme slices, and patting them onto other pieces after he'd picked off the pepperoni.

"HEY! Do you think I want your fingers all over my pizza? You didn't even wash your hands after touching slot machines for two hours!"

"How do YOU know?"

"You walked by and said you were going to play around the corner, then pull the car up front for us."

"You don't know that I didn't wash my hands."

"Did you?"

"Yes."

"WHEN?"

"I went to the bathroom before I left."

"That doesn't mean you washed your hands!"

"HM. I washed my hands."

"With soap and WATER?"

"Yes. What do you THINK I used...uh..."

EXACTLY.

4 comments:

Kathy's Klothesline said...

Men don't find it necessary to wash their hands after using the restroom. I can prove it! The paper towel usage in the men's room is minimal compared to the ladies room. And they don't always flush, either .....

Sioux said...

Men have a completely different definition of "clean," "good hygiene" and "neat."

Did you enjoy that pizza?

fishducky said...

Are you STILL enjoying it?

Hillbilly Mom said...

Kathy,
You're preachin' to the choir! I am well aware of that fact. I saw the Poppie episode of Seinfeld!

***
Sioux,
I am SHOCKED, Madam, that you would think I am so pizza-hungry that I would eat a pie that was manhandled by Farmer H and his bathroom hands!

It was real, and it was spectacular.

***
fishducky,
NO! Thankfully, I suffered no ill effects. I credit that to my immune system strengthened over the years by a whole flock of gas station chicken, and a small lake of Diet Coke.