Saturday, January 14, 2017

Like Taking Candy From A Baby, If The Baby Was Over 60 And A Bad Driver

That Farmer H! He serves 'em up to me like he's a waiter in a five-star Michelin restaurant. Like he's a courier delivering papers for the prosecutor in district court. Like he's a private coach for the defending high school state tennis champion.

Today, as he was sweaving to and fro up the interstate on the way to the casino, I dared ask why he didn't just hold the wheel steady.

"HM. I have driven a LOT of miles since I first met you."

Oh, such a gift. Like a nice fat softball lofted across the plate, home team down by three, with bases loaded and two outs at the bottom of the ninth. I almost felt guilty hitting this one out of the park.

"Actually, you've driven EVEN MORE miles than you think you have, accounting for all that center line to sideline movement!"

 C'mon! Who plays drums? Give me that rimshot...

Thank you! I'll be here the rest of my life!


Sioux said...

Oh, yeah. Swerving lines rack up more miles than straight ones. Perhaps Farmer H is trying to help out the road department. You know... parts of the road get all the wear and tear, and he's trying to make sure all of the road gets worn down evenly.

He's a true altruist. Selfless. Always thinking of ways to help...

Kathy's Klothesline said...

Wow! You go girl. But, was he listening? Or did he pretend not to hear you?

fishducky said...

He's quite the straightman; an Abbott to your Costello!!

Hillbilly Mom said...

Well, you certainly hit that nail on the head. Farmer H was only trying to HELP PEOPLE! If only his son could learn his ways. If only you could hit FARMER H on the head instead of that nail...

Oh, he HEARD. And he tried not to crack a smile when he said, "You don't know what you're talking about."

We're a team. Sometimes more of a latter-day Martin and Lewis, but so far we're still together!