Tuesday, March 21, 2017

For The Man Who Has Everything: Something He's Not Getting

By now, you might think that Farmer H would have one of every item in the world. You would think wrong. No matter how many self-built themed sheds he has in Shackytown, no matter how many gewgaws and knickknacks and whatnot he stuffs in them...Farmer H still has a hankerin' for something else.


I suppose this is Farmer H's version of the Sears Wish Book. He took a picture for me from a magazine at his barber shop. "I didn't tear the page out. I thought about it. But I just took a picture so you would know. You're always asking me what kind of thing I want. This would be neat."

Huh. I'm sure it would. If you look closely, you'll see it's a series of Coke bottles mailed to you in installments by The Hamilton Collection. Uh huh. It's the gift I'll never stop giving. I actually looked it up. The first "issue" or shipment is a single bottle. That one on the top left in the picture. I think the second shipment is the next bottle. The third one is the wooden crate. And then you get the remaining six bottles in one package "so you won't have to wait to display your collection." Oh, but they still bill them individually, the way I read it. Oh, yeah. Each shipment is $39.98 plus $8.99 shipping. The way I calculated it, if I read the regular-size fine print correctly, it will cost me $360 for the items, and $80.91 for the 9 "shipments." There's probably a handling fee that I glossed over.

I'm not sure how I'm going to break this news to Farmer H. I don't begrudge him having something he yearns for. But I don't want to get caught up in this subscription to the collection thingy. It's probably as hard to stop as the 1-cent for 13 cassette tapes from Columbia House Record Club deal. At least Farmer H's $1000 shoe inserts from The Good Feet Store was a one-time purchase.

I'll keep you apprised of the fallout.

6 comments:

Sioux Roslawski said...

You can always get him the 2-liter Coca Cola bottle collection, from the Frankly Greedy Sioux Mint.

Each plastic bottle, one one-of-a-kind bottle shipped to you every month, costs only $9.99 plus $4.99 shipping and handling. The labels on each bottle have been transformed with Sharpie markers and stickers.

This way, you can make Farmer H's dream come true--at an affordable price.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Sioux,
Let the record show that you made me laugh out loud. It will be a cold day in The Sis-Approved Hotel before I subscribe to your collection. Oh, wait! (You'll get that reference soon enough.)

Next thing I know, you'll be starting The Good-Enough Feet Store, selling shoe inserts for the low, low price of $500.

fishducky said...

Re your answer to Sioux: Don't forget shipping & handling!!

Hillbilly Mom said...

fishducky,
She can't ship it if she doesn't handle it! I am playing hardball. When I don't subscribe and I don't order, I will also not pay shipping...but I ABSOLUTELY REFUSE to not-pay the handling! Wait a minute...

Kathy's Klothesline said...

Just yesterday I filled the backend of the huge dumpster with empty Diet Coke 2 liter bottles. And to think I could have sold them to you. Maybe Hick could use them to build the shack with!! I can see it now ..... a museum of Coke items housed in a shack made of oke bottles!!

Hillbilly Mom said...

Kathy,
That is a most scathingly brilliant idea!