Mrs. Hillbilly Mom has apparently lost her touch. She is no longer EVERYWOMAN. Okay. Not so much EVERYWOMAN as EVERYCLERK. Used to be that no matter where I was, people came up to me to ask questions. The Devil's Playground. Save A Lot. Country Mart. Didn't matter that I wasn't wearing the requisite blue or red or green vest. Folks just assumed I worked there, and could answer their questions. Must have been that teacher air about me. And now it's gone. Gone with the wind. Frankly my dears, I don't give a limp carrot. As Sweet Gummi Mary is my witness, I shall never be an authority figure again!
When I came out of The Devil's Playground, using the exit door (The Pony would be so proud), I headed halfway up the parking aisle, pushing my cart. I didn't even have to use it like a walker today. My knees were behaving. I was almost to T-Hoe when I saw a little old lady coming down the parking aisle on foot.
"Ma'am? How about the horn?"
A guy on the next aisle over was talking to her. I thought maybe she'd had car trouble. Actually, at first I thought maybe he was a disgruntled parker who was passive-aggressively hinting that she should have used her horn. Or HE should have. That maybe they'd nearly had a collision. She was a little old lady! So I kept one ear on them as I put the groceries in T-Hoe's rear. I didn't want him to give her a hard time.
There was a blonde woman coming up the aisle now. The little old lady (LOL) walked up to her. Said something.
"Oh. Okay. Let's go look." The blonde lady walked up nearly to the end of that parking aisle with the LOL. I guess she had forgotten where she parked. I felt bad for her. I doubted that she had parked all the way up at the end. Maybe she was just in the wrong row. I've forgotten before, when I wasn't paying attention, and varied from my usual pattern because the lot was crowded. But the lot wasn't crowded today. I guess the LOL didn't have a remote with a horn honker on it. It really made me sad.
Also...as I left, I thought, "What's wrong with ME? I walked right by her! Why didn't the LOL think to ask ME to help her? Am I off-putting? Do I look senile? Might I be some kind of axe-murderer? (Everything IS all about ME, you know!)
I forgot that train of thought as I pulled out of The Devil's parking lot, headed up the road behind The Dollar Store. There was a guy digging in the dumpster. I don't begrudge anybody a good root in a dumpster. One man's trash, you know. But I DO begrudge one man wearing cargo shorts so loose that they hung off his butt. I mean OFF his butt. Not just low. His full cheeks were exposed. I can only surmise that his cargo shorts were being held up by some appendage in the front. Thank the Gummi Mary, he was wearing some gray boxer briefs, which prevented a FULL PLUMBER'S CRACK MOON.
He probably found those shorts in a dumpster. Thus the fit.