It's been a while, I know, since Mrs. Hillbilly Mom has launched into a rant. At least a week, perhaps. But I can't hold it in any longer. These people are DRIVING me crazy!
You know those people. The ones who insist on driving 15 miles UNDER the speed limit! What's up with that? It's not like they're on the interstate, going 60 mph when 75 is allowed. NOOOO! I'm talking about those folks who piddle along at 30 in a 45.
I know that some people don't feel comfortable driving on the highway. I'm one of them myself. But I strive to stay within reasonable shouting distance of the posted speed limit. Sure, it's pretty hard over by the lake, near that nursing home that Farmer H told me I should put myself in. The limit there is 20 mph. I can go 30 no problem, and if I concentrate and tap the brakes, I can keep T-Hoe at 25. But 20 is kind of hard.
But these PEOPLE, people? Why do they need to go 30 in a 45 mph zone? Are they simply inattentive? Do they think they're still on the new section of road behind the high school in Hillmomba's district? Did they not see the sign where it changed to 45 mph?
Maybe they're driving like Fred Flintstone, powered by the courtesy of their two feet! But I don't notice a lot of cars made of rough-hewn timbers with stone-roller wheels in my travels.
Surely they can't be doing it just to piss me off! I don't even tailgate! I keep back a reasonable distance, because obviously, anybody going 15 miles under the speed limit has some kind of issue. If it's not because they're stoned out of their mind, or so drunk that inebriation straightens out their normal sweaving, then it might be because their brakes don't work all that well. Or...they have rage issues, and are trying to draw me into a confrontation. Or maybe it's a passel of teenagers who play that game where they slow way down, and tempt you to pass, and then GAS IT when you get up beside them.
Nah. I don't tailgate.
But other people DO!!! And guess what? They drive me crazy!
When I am going (hypothetically, of course) five miles OVER the speed limit, there's really no need to tailgate me. I'm saving you, you see. Saving you from a moving violation. Perhaps with a large fine. Perhaps the loss of your license, if you do this all the time. Which I'm pretty sure people like that DO. So back off, Jack! Or you'll suffer the consequences!
I will ease back on the throttle and drive THE EXACT POSTED SPEED LIMIT! How do ya like THEM apples? Huh?
You know what needs to be done to drivers who tailgate Mrs. HM? They need a good knuckle-rapping. To make their fingers as beaten and bloody as the photos of Mrs. HM's fingers, posted right here on this very blog!
That is all.