Sunday, March 18, 2012

Not Too Preppy

Spring has sprung in Hillmomba, totally ignoring its official debut date coming up on Tuesday.

The Pony and I saw two turkeys in the road down by the low-water bridge beside our mailboxes. That's unusual, because we usually see ten or fifteen at a time. I was not close enough to see if either of them had a beard. Perhaps they are bachelors, grabbing a meal on the go. I did not think turkeys eat road kill. And one was standing right over a lumpy pile of something no longer living.

Farmer H said, "He might have been eating poop, if it had corn in it." Yes. He's quite the orator. I'm surprised he is not quoted in the history books. Sad thing is...he was not saying it as a joke. I tried changing the subject by informing him that the woods were crawling with squirrels. That's something we have not had a lot of in the past, rabbits outnumbering them by far. Farmer H was quite pleased about the squirrel count. "Yeah. I've seen a TON of squirrels. That's good!" When pressed to explain why that was good, whether to give the dogs something to chase besides chickens, or to distract predators from our flock, Farmer H stated, "It's food."

Let the record show that we both watch Doomsday Preppers and Doomsday Bunkers. For different reasons, apparently. I have a fondness for post-apocalyptic novels, and so find these preparations quite captivating. Farmer H went out yesterday to lay in a supply of ammunition. "The way times are, anything could happen." For all I know, he's been building a secret bunker down by the creek, and not a log cabin. When I called him on his "food" statement, he asked, "If something happened, wouldn't you eat squirrel?"

"I'd eat the bark off the trees, if the goats had left any. I'm not one to miss a meal."

"See there. Those goats would feed us, too."

"You overfeed all your animals. One goat could feed a middle-eastern family of four for a month."

"It could feed the Hillbilly family for a month."

"You got that right. Because three of us wouldn't eat it."

"Oh, you know you would."

"They're pets. Are we going to eat the cats and dogs, too?"

"If we run out of everything else."

He's a funny guy. I know we could never be Doomsday Preppers. I found evidence of that fact only yesterday. I reached into the bottom of Frig to get a bag of shredded sharp cheddar out of the vegetable bin. I keep it there so we don't have two or more packs open at once. It's not that I'm stocking up, but that I forget what I have on hand when I'm in the store. Somebody had gotten to the cheese. He used it, then put it back. I know, because it was open. And it was molded in one tiny section, even though the label said it was good until mid-June. Which speaks to me as sure as CSI evidence. Somebody reached his hand into the bag to grab some shredded cheese, rather than shaking it out on a plate. He contaminated the cheese as sure as a contaminated wire loop dipped in a petrie dish of agar will cause it to flourish with a colony of bacteria. As we science teachers say.

I can imagine forking over tens of thousands of dollars to lay in stores for the apocalypse, only to have each and every container opened and molested, so that when the poo hits the ventilation device, all we have is mold.

Which is probably edible in some instances.


Sioux Roslawski said...

Since we no longer get cable/satellite channels, I am really missing out, I guess.

Doomsday Preppers and Doomsday Bunkers? Aren't they more or less the same thing? Could they have a spin-off show, where they engage in some inbreeding and create "Doomsday Prunkers" or Doomsday Beppers"? Good grief.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

I have eaten squirrel. In my defense, I was but a small child and did not know that the squirrel is a member of the rodent family. My grandmother cooked up this tasty stew after shooting three of them, then skinning and guuting them. She was quite the pioneer woman. As I recall, it was tasty. Had rice in it. I can't say that I would partake of her stew today. If I was starving, maybe. But I figure I could last at least 6 months while my body nourished itself on my fat. I would look better, too.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Here's the lowdown on those highbrow shows. Doomsday Preppers is about folks who know the sky is falling. They just don't know when or how. Some prepare to meet the doom of nuclear fallout, others plan for a giant ash cloud from volanoes, or an economic collapse, or famine, or civil unrest, or destruction of the power grid.

Doomsday Bunkers is about a business that builds bunkers for preppers. focuses on the people and their planning, the other on the emergency living space. Both shows have experts evaluate the survival plan.

The shows are on different networks. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, you know.

My mom fried up the squirrel in flour and Crisco. Same thing with rabbit. They tasted the same to me. Like chicken. I even watched my dad gut them and skin them before chowing down.