Bubby Beat-Down

The #1 son has a problem with school lunch on Fridays. It is always pizza or nacho chips. He used to eat it. But I suppose now that he's had it fifteen weeks in a row, he has grown tired of of the faux Italian/Mexican duo.

For the last two Fridays, he has raided my classroom in search of sustenance. To which I can only advise: too bad, so sad. He should have packed a lunch, as The Pony and I do. Since my lunch time rolls around at the crack of 10:53 a.m., my meal is long gone when #1 accosts my mini-fridge at 11:54. From there, he assaults the file cabinet. That's where The Pony stashes his after-school snacks for when he hops off the bus from Basementia.

Don't forget that I'm in the middle of a lesson when #1 barges in. The freshmen gaze in slack-jawed awe at the legend who scored a 34 on his ACT last month, and who shaved his chinny-chin-chin goatee to be Harry Potter at the NHS Halloween dance, and has already grown it back.

"Hey, what are you doing?"

"I came to get food."

"There is no food."

"I know where he keeps it."

"He'll be upset."

"Yeah, yeah. Hmm...M & Ms or mini Chips Ahoy? I'm taking the Chips Ahoy."

"The Pony will cry. He told Grandma just this morning that she didn't need to bring him any more snacks--he had a full bag of Chips Ahoy."

"I'm opening them. I'm going to eat a few, and then pass them around to my lunch table."

(OOOOOH!)

"Somebody didn't raise that boy right."

#1 reappeared at the end of the lunch shift and my class to put the remainders back in the file cabinet.

"I only ate half the bag."

"That's good. Then your brother will only beat you within HALF an inch of your life."