The Days Of Rats And Poses

Anybody out there still watch Survivor?

I admit that I am hooked. The only season I couldn't stomach was the one with Fireman Tom as the winner, Survivor Palau. That season was like watching paint dry. Or golf on TV. Sucky team Ulong lost every immunity challenge, until that unlikeable Stephenie was the only member who remained to "merge" with Koror. And was summarily voted out at the next Tribal Council. I couldn't stand any of those people. Not even Ian the dolphin trainer. I checked out portions haphazardly. I think I only watched the first two episodes in their entirety. Survivor Amazon was also a stinker, with that stupid Missouri teacher gal dropping her undies while standing on a platform in the river for some Oreos and peanut butter. Way to go, Heidi. Besmirch the reputation of both Missourians AND teachers.

This year I have issues with the travesty that Survivor has become. Remember way back to Survivor Borneo, the original season, won by crook Richard Hatch, who formed an unlikely alliance with old man Rudy, the ex-SEAL? And Rudy proclaimed, "I love this guy. But not in a homosexual way." And what about Susan Hawk and her "snakes and rats" speech for Richard and Kelley Wigglesworth? The "...if you were dying of thirst in the desert, I wouldn't give you a drop to drink" speech. Or Team Pagong, who ate a rat. Or Survivor Australia, after the flash flood, when Elisabeth Hasselbeck looked like she was starving to death before our very eyes.

Oh, how the standards of "surviving" have dropped. This year, every contestant HAS A FREAKIN' DESIGNER BAG that they carry to challenges. That's what it looks like, anyway. It probably contains water and several individually wrapped gourmet snacks in the event they become a mite peckish while away from camp. And camp! I've never seen so many bananas and coconuts. They're always chowing down. They're probably gaining weight this year. Little Brandon-Russell doesn't look like he's lost an ounce. And Coach's ponytail is as glossy as ever. They have won taro, flint, blankets, pillows, a hammock, a mat, cookies, chocolate, coffee, powdered milk, tea, sugar, three chickens, vegetables, spices, bread, meat they bit and spit out in a challenge, a picnic lunch at a waterfall slide, and a screening of Jack and Jill with unlimited movie snacks. I'm surprised they're not living in a prefabricated mansion purchased at Lowes. Or the sponsor of their choosing.

I want to toss in the towel. But there are too many contestants to hate on right now.