Monday, November 28, 2011

Don We Now

I was toasty warm on duty in the parking lot this morning. No, there has not been a return of 70-degree temperatures. In fact, it was 33 degrees with the wind chill at 23.

My secret? Double coating. Not like pork cutlets dipped in buttermilk, then flour, then buttermilk, then flour. No. I'm talking about two coats. A blue plaid quilted-lining flannel shirt jacket, and a dark green Berber coat.

Don't go assuming that I merely wore one coat on top of the other. How mundane! You must like air-popped popcorn, tofu, and vanilla ice milk I have a more refined palate myself. So I donned my gay apparel in a more fashion-statementy manner.

Mrs. Hillbilly Mom's frigid parking lot style? A front coat and a back coat. That's a fact, Jack. I wore the quilted flannel jacket as normal. It was already warm, because I wore it in from T-Hoe. Little quilted pockets of my body heat warmed me like a loyal pet's love. Then I pulled the Berber coat that had been hanging in my school cabinet over my arms. I was impervious to the wind. No nooks or crannies were exposed to fill with cold air, because there were no chinks in my Berber-flannel armor.

A kid walked by and asked if I was cold. Nope. But I did tell him that I was considering a Forever Lazy.

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