Wednesday, January 16, 2013

I Was Not In The Mood For A Ribbing

I am not quite sure how to broach this sensitive subject. Not that I am faint of heart, a prude, or pretend to be writing a blog for tweens. No. I am cautious not to use phrases that might possibly be Googled and drag an unwelcome visitor back to my Mansion. I am deep undercover in the Blogger Protection Program, you know. That said, let's get down to brass tacks. Or puffy paint T-shirts.

I rarely read what's on the front of students' shirts. I've got a million other things to be monitoring, and that one is low on my radar. When teachers spot something untoward from the lunch table, I turn and gawk to see what the hubbub is about. Today, I noticed something that the others did not. And I let it go. Because I didn't want to rock the boat. Stick my neck out. Get stuck in a sticky wicket. The building-runner was out of the building today. I was not prepared to take the heat. Otherwise, I would have mentioned it to the grand poobah of the facility, just in passing, as to whether such a phrase was actually appropriate for our hallowed halls of learning. It wasn't all that long ago that mohawks were banned, you know. We don't suffer distractions gladly.

The shirt in question was a plain white T. In puffy blue letters, it said...Oh. You didn't really think I was going to put the actual phrase, did you? It seemed to me to be based on an advertising slogan for a condom manufacturer. The one that went a little bit like this: Ridged For Her Enjoyment. Technically, the T-shirt did not sport the quote verbatim. It added a little twist: Rigged For Your Enjoyment. Yeah. That's close. In actuality, the difference was in the real words r i b b e d and r i p p e d. You know. To imply that the wearer was such a magnificent physical specimen that his musculature defied description. But I'm sure the wearer was aware of the connotation. Why wear it otherwise?

Sorry. I shirked. Stuck my head in the sand. I am not the phrase police. Just how am I supposed to explain why I feel it is inappropriate? I am not the condom queen. But I DID work in an insurance salvage store and stock them on the pegboard across from the checkout counter. They were a highly shoplifted item. Can you imagine? At what point do you resort to stealing your intimate protection from an insurance salvage store? WE BOUGHT MERCHANDISE DECLARED A TOTAL LOSS DUE TO FIRE DAMAGE!

I am going to inquire about the appropriateness of this clothing tomorrow. For future reference.


Sioux said...

There were some Walgreens in BigCityLand, where the condoms were locked up. One had to ask for them.

I imagine it was because they, too, found the little buggers were being shoplifted.

Since the Sponge is gone, what else do people have left? (You don't have a case of them, that you bought after they were discontinued, do you?)

Hillbilly Mom said...

I do not have a case of sponges stashed in my closet. But if I did, I would make sure they were behind my dresses that are all identical.