Tuesday, January 22, 2013

If You've Got A Problem, I Don't Care What It Is...I Can Help

Sir Edward J. Coke Duke needs my help!

I hope he's not in trouble! His message was a bit abrupt. That's all it said, "I need your help   " Not even any punctuation in his sentence. What if something sinister has happened to him? And I'm the only person he tried to contact. I'm beside myself with worry. How can I help him? What could be wrong?

Was he being held at gunpoint and forced to e-mail me, the Emperor of Hillmomba? It could happen, what with him being a duke and me being the ruler of my very own nation. We royals stick together. Why, just last week, Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth was offering to loan me an iPod. Said she got it as a gift way back in '09, and hadn't used it yet. I told her no, that I planned to buy one for myself with my winnings from the UK National Lottery that I didn't even buy a ticket for.

Perhaps Sir Edward needed to borrow some of my lottery winnings, seeing as how I won and he didn't. Being a duke must be expensive, having to keep up appearances, and put some bodyguards on the payroll so he doesn't get kidnapped, and maintain an e-mail account in case he does.

Maybe Sir Edward found the four missing hot dogs that disappeared from Frig between 5:00 p.m. Friday, and 5:00 p.m. today. How they crossed the big pond I'll never know. They didn't even have passports. But if he found them, bully for him for being an honest Abe and contacting me forthwith. Less savory characters might have simply swallowed them and slipped into the shadows.

I suppose this cryptic electronic note will always be a mystery. Unless Sir Edward J. Coke Duke contacts me again. Or my acquaintances. At least then I'll know he's okay.


Sioux said...

I sometimes get an email from someone, sometimes from an African country, and they request my help. Sometimes I am even promised a great return on the money I lend them.

But alas. I am at a different dock, waiting for my ship to come in from a different direction.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

Well, if he doesn't contact you again, I will be happy to have some of your lottery winnings sent my way. Oh, you already sent me half? Why, thank you so much!

Hillbilly Mom said...

From Atlantis, perhaps? I can imagine a shipload of riches arriving from Atlantis.

Of course your half is in the mail. Shh...don't let Sioux know. Maybe I should tell her that her half is in the mall, thus initiating a treasure-hunting goose chase. She would just fritter it away on Crocs and hair dye and fudge-makings and gifts of books and blue pens.