Saturday, August 31, 2013

Time To Fast-Track My Business Proposal

I really need to start breaking ground on my proposed handbasket factory. The unmistakable signs of the fast-approaching final descent of society become more evident every day.

On the way to work, we pass a drive-thru liquor store. Oh, it has a front door and a parking lot, of course. But who wants to get out and parade past the lines of prying eyes at the stoplight to carry one's liquor out of a package store, when the same task can be accomplished more secretively by pulling up to a sliding window on the side of the building? Sure, people can still see your car. But they can't be sure who's inside.

When we sit waiting in the Dairy Queen line, I tell The Pony to watch that window and see what the people are getting. Mind you, I do not begrudge an adult his alcoholic beverage. It all started that time earlier in the summer, when BOTH of my preferred 44 oz. Diet Coke convenience stores had broken soda fountains. Oh, the HORROR! I was all nervousy about what to do, how to get my fix, who to chose as my backup backup supplier. Luckily, there's a Casey's General Store on the same thoroughfare. But my first thought was that drive-thru liquor store. I was sure I'd seen people walking behind their establishment carrying cups with lids and straws. And not the kind of cups from my two convenience stores.

The Pony is not a good snooper. Mystery Inc. will not be issuing him a membership card. No "Pony: PI" series in his future. He always loses interest while I'm paying for his hot dog or chicken basket. I've never seen the window clerk hand out a 20-pack of Bud. Nor anything else. Perhaps it's just the hard-core alkies grabbing a quick bottle to fend off the DTs. It's deadly business, you know, to stop drinking cold turkey. Alcohol is one of the few substances that can cause death during withdrawal. I know that because I am a certified health teacher. And because our guest speaker from a treatment center pointed it out as well. But all that knowledge does not help me when it comes to sniffing out a soda fountain. Last week, The Pony thought he saw a cup being handed out the window, "Not like yours, Mom, but more like a Dairy Queen cup. Cardboard, not foam." So if the Casey's goes down, and that one other green-roofed convenience store by the old bowling alley blows a carbonation canister, I will have a fifth choice.

There's nothing that stinks of apocalypse there. But this did. Two cars were lined up at the liquor store drive-thru window on Friday morning at 6:53. That's A.M., people! Before work. Sweet Gummi Mary! What kind of package liquor store is open at that time of morning? Let those folks get their stuff at a gas station convenience store like normal people.

Handbaskets. Custom made. Coming soon.


Sioux said...

Those 6:53 people should know that only fruity drinks are proper before and during work. Margaritas. Daiquiris. If you are a health teacher--as you so loftily claim--you'd know that people need 4-6 servings of fruits and vegetables every day.

I myself have a blender at work. Last year I burned out three motors, it was used on such a constant basis...

Hillbilly Mom said...

Well, Madam, as a health educator AND a friend of the environment, I suggest that you set your blenders out at the curb for recycling, and hook up an exercise bicycle to mix your fruity drinks.